GREEN is for MONEY and MOUNTAINS

Well, my "bikram will overcome all financial issues" mentality was smushed like a bug on a windshield. Rent took a big bite. Then I had to order books for class. I forgot about that. Yikes. That took my bikram money, plus some. Soooooo unfortunately, once again, I am like the kid looking in the window at the pet store. I want it so badly, but it just cant work out right now. So I wait... and wait... and wait. I have applied for a few random part time jobs... some therapy here, babysitting there, really whatever I can get my hands on without overwhelming myself. Just hoping to make ends meet one of these days. Unfortunately nothing is really amounting to anything. I guess I just need to be patient.

Classes started yesterday and I am shocked at how much I missed being a student. (Not talking about the thesis, here. Just being a student.) I love learning, especially about things I am passionate about. I am really looking forward to the semester.

I am heading back to Nashville this weekend to visit a friend that is flying in from Portland. I havent seen her in 6 years. I love that I am able to keep in touch with friends over such distance and time. I am excited to be with a friend. And I am excited to get back to Nashville. I kinda miss it... oddly enough. I guess that is a good thing though- perhaps a sign that I am on my way towards "remember to good, forget the bad." Let's hope so.

Summer is slowly (and I really mean that... ssslllooowwwlllyyyy) turning to fall, and it makes me smile. We still have random days that make even a walk to the mailbox a miserable challenge, but for the most part, the days are becoming more tolerable. I am excited for the fall weather- I think I will enjoy the city much more when I can spend some time outside. I am really missing the outdoors and mountains lately...

Manchester, VT

Asheville, NC

"You are stronger than you think you are."

...A thought shared by a Bikram teacher this week- it keeps resonating in my mind. So simple and so obvious, but sometimes saying it out loud really hits home. Just wanted to share!

I only managed to make it to 2 Bikram classes since my last post. But they were lovely. I really enjoy this studio. There is a lot of structure and it is very disciplined. I like that. It helps me in my struggle with discipline within my practice. I have had exposure to several different teachers, all of which I enjoyed. Katie was a visiting teacher from NYC and I dug her funky style and yankee accent. Connie (who had been a visiting instructor in Nashille) is strict yet supportive, and always smiling. Jo showed the fluffy loving earth mother side, and worked to help us expand our Bikram principals to our real lives. Jeff (I think that was his name, I cant remember...) was by the book and spot on with his instruction, yet somehow managed to bring an unspoken personal touch to the session. I have enjoyed having different teachers, and also not knowing who will be teaching at any given time. I like the element of surprise. And I really enjoy experiencing all of their different styles.

I am still struggling to get back into the practice. I am taking my time and remaining patient with myself. If there was one thing I am trying to remind myself from my 60 day challenge, it is that this practice takes time. Weeks, months, years. Something I have noticed about myself that is different from my previous practice is that my jealousy of the ability of others has turned into down right awe. There are several women that have a beautiful style and an immaculate practice, and I am amazed with their abilities. I am not comparing myself as I used to. I hope this change in my perspective is not temporary!

I hope to make it to a class this weekend, but I may have to wait until I get paid next week. Being a slave to the paycheck is never fun.

Life outside of Bikram has been hectic. I am enjoying my new job, but it often reminds me that I want more in my career. I know I need to apply to programs, but I just cant muster the strength to do it. I am taking 2 graduate level classes this fall: Child Psychopathology and Intro to ABA- 2 things I consider myself an expert in, yet have never had an actual class in. My job allows me to take classes for free at any state university, so I am enrolled at University of Memphis as a non-degree seeking grad student. I am hoping being back in an academic setting will add some fuel to the fire and get me on my way to applying. We shall see. Classes start in 1 week and I am really excited (not just to be back in a school setting, but hopefully to meet some new people as well!).

I havent had much of a chance to explore Memphis yet. My "to do" list is still on my fridge, waiting patiently. Brandon is too busy with school to accompany me on any of these fun things, so I have realized I must take it upon myself to see what's out there (before dusk and in safe parts of the city, dont you worry!). I really need to upload some pictures... so lazy.

Still riding the roller-coaster of emotion that accompanies a move like this, but where is the fun in life if you are just sitting still, right?

Back to Bikram

It has been ages since I last updated- my apologies. Life has been wild lately. I am busy with my new job (which I am greatly enjoying!), still busy unpacking (after a month!?), and busy getting my life settled and finding some normalcy amongst the chaos. I have my moments of sadness when I miss my friends, miss my routine, and miss the simplicity of previous situations. I have had a hard time finding my niche here, and moving to a new city is always tough. A large factor in my random bouts of sadness, I can assure you, are because I went nearly 7 weeks without Bikram.

I was torn. The studio here is nearly 30 min from my house, and much more expensive than I can honestly afford. Jumping back on the Bikram wagon would be a huge commitment. So I let it slide for the first 4 weeks I was here. I was hoping I could find a substitute or something to fill the void. But after a while, it became overwhelmingly apparent that nothing could- life without Bikram was awful. I felt tired, bloated, distracted, lost, and down right miserable. My hips began aching again and I was once again having trouble with stairs and sitting for a long time. My body and mind were calling out to me and I had to listen. So I pulled myself up by my boot strings and hit the studio.

I was so nervous. I dont know why. I had about an hour to kill before my first session and I spent it pacing and worrying. Like I said- I dont know why! I got there early (you know me, early is late, and when nerves get involved, I will likely be there an hour early). The studio is gorgeous, and the people I encountered were very nice. Nonetheless, I was a nervous wreck. I got myself ready, picked a spot in the back of the room, and tried to calm myself before class started. I just kept saying to myself, "never too late, never too old, never too bad, never too sick... to start from the scratch once again." I said it over and over. It helped.

Class began. The teacher was a visiting instructor from Brooklyn, and I loved her style immediately. She was very supportive, and most of all, very fun. The room was hot- hotter than I remember. But compared to this awful, miserable Memphis air, it was bearable. Pranyama invigorated me and got me excited for class. That excitement was soon smashed by half moon. I think- no, I KNOW- I did too much too quickly. After the first backward bend, I knew I had let myself get too freaked out. I started getting light-headed, dizzy, and nauseous. My hips were killing me. By Eagle, I was unable to stand. I had to sit down. I think, honestly, that I simply forgot to breath. Not that I was breathing wrong, but I was simply NOT breathing... at all! I think I was trying so hard to get right back on the saddle that I forgot it had been almost 2 months since I had been to a class. Duh, Amy. So I sat. I felt awful- not just physically, but also that I had pushed myself too hard and was feeling bad for having taken such a huge step backwards in my practice. I was so tempted to throw a little pity party for myself, but I just kept repeating Bikram's words... "never too late... to start from scratch again." And starting from scratch is exactly how it felt.

Bikram's words got me through that class. I was able to bring myself to a comfortable place- knowing I would not be capable of things I had once been able to do towards the end of my 60 day challenge. I sat out often, had to skip several postures, and drank a bit more water than usual. But I stayed. I completed the class, and completed it with a smile. On my drive home, I was so proud of myself and I felt the emptiness in my soul begin to refill. I realized, then more than ever, that Bikram is not something that I do from time to time if I feel up to it. It is a part of my life. It is something I will, and must, always make time for. It isnt about money. It cant be. Without out, I can tell something is missing, both physically and mentally. I need Bikram in my life.

I have been to 2 classes since this agonizing return. Saturday was better, and yesterday was great. I still have to sit out a bit and take it easy as my body acclimates, just as I had to when I began in April. But I am happy. And I cant wait to get to class again!

I brought a friend of mine to class on Sunday. I met her through work and I have really enjoyed getting to know her. I knew right off the bat that she would be someone that would enjoy Bikram and go into it with an open mind. She loved it, and I couldnt be more excited! I love sharing my experience and this practice with others!

So, Bikram, you win. You are a part of my life forever, now. I may be poor, and I may have to drive 30 min out of my way, but you are here to stay. And I couldnt be happier.

i love string cheese

Both the food AND the band. Just got home from a long, stressful, wonderful day at work. Sitting on my big oversized chair eating some mozzarella string cheese and listening to string cheese incident. I cant help but smile from the irony. Sometimes it is the most simple things in life that can bring the most happiness.

"Sometimes it seems like such a hard life,

But there's good times around the bend.

The rollercoaster's got to roll to the bottom

If you want to climb to the top again."

Well, on a happier note...

...Bikram Choudhury is coming to Memphis in September! How exciting!

I dont wanna grow up.

Being an adult has its perks, dont get me wrong. But lately the CONS are tremendously outweighing the PROS.

I am 27. Yes, I have my MA, but I had really hoped to have my PhD by this time... I am paralyzed in the application process and I am so disappointed in myself that I cant even comprehend actually applying at this point. It is pathetic. I am working a job that pays me terribly so I can get "more experience" to get me into this fairy tale, imaginary PhD program that I don't even know if I can muscle up the courage to apply to. I am broke beyond belief- it is all I can do to keep a roof over my head and my bills paid and have a little left over for basic food and transportation. I have no savings, no "fun" money set aside, no safety net in case something bad were to happen. I have passions (bikram, traveling, etc.) that I must eliminate from my life because I cant afford them. Seriously broke. Frighteningly broke. I am in a relationship that is going.... somewhere... not sure where. I chasing some wild dream that seems to vanish with every passing day.

I look around at people my age and I wonder what is wrong with me and why I don't have what others have. I know so many people that are a year or 2 or even 3 younger than me and they seem to have it all: the career, the money, the new car, the funds to travel and have fun, the husband... and I wonder where I went wrong. Granted, it is easy for those who are lucky enough (not blessed, just straight lucky) to be born into money. It makes me mad, and I dont like feeling that way. Yea, good for you, enjoy your silver spoon. Others just seem to have it all together and have it all figured out- everything falling into place. I dont.

Yes, I know I have plenty to be thankful for. I am healthy. I have a beautiful family that loves me unconditionally. I have some amazing friends (but sometimes I get so jealous of THEM that some of this angst and frustration can be wrongfully and gently aimed in their direction) that I wouldn't trade for the world. I DO have a job, which I am thankful for. I have lots of things to be happy about. Dont get me wrong, I am a lucky girl, and I know it.

I am 27 years old. I feel like I am fighting being a grown up so much that I am wasting time and bring all of this frustration upon myself.

Sometimes I just wonder why I seem to be on the fast track to nowhere....

Tomorrow, you're only a day away!

Well, work starts tomorrow. I spent the day today getting organized and unpacking the important stuff. We went to the store and stocked the fridge, which is always a warming feeling that makes a new place feel like more of a home and less of a hotel. Fiona loves it here. She didnt like the ride over, baut once she had a chance to explore and see how much better this place is than our last home, she was all purrrrs. She got "lost" a few times during the night (something she does from time to time) and I could hear her meowing from across the apartment. But she is figuring it out now and spent the whole day recovering from the big move (she worked so hard...) and laying in the sun by the window. Tough life, eh? I'll post pictures later- too tired to get up off the couch to get my camera adapter!

I really like this apartment complex. We went to the gym this evening and I am really exited to have that facility on my finger tips. I am really hoping to turn over a new leaf with this move. Well, a leaf that has been flipped over tons of times, just leaving it on the right side =) I am already very healthy and fit, but there is always room for improvement. I really want to watch what I eat and exercise at least 5 days a week. I promise I will never be one of those freaks that only eats lettuce and applesauce and works out for 65 hours a day- those girls frighten me. I have just really let myself go since I finished my Bikram challenge. I was used to burning 800 calories a day, and now, not so much... I cant wait to check out the new studio here! Just gotta wait for that first paycheck.

Well I could ramble for hours and hours, but I will spare you. Wish my luck tomorrow!

Walkin' in Memphis

So if you havent heard by now, I am moving to Memphis. Brandon got into UT Memphis. He found out about 4 weeks ago- and it started yesterday. So needless to say, we were rushed for time, and I was rushed to make a huge life decision. The next day, I actually got a job interview at UT Memphis also. So we packed up and went over for 2 days. My interview went fantastic and we found a great potential place to live. Before I knew it, a decision was made. The past 4 weeks have been a blur of activity. I got the job. We got the apartment. We are moving. Together. I am kinda freaking out.

We got into our new apartment this past weekend. It is perfect. I love it. So clean, so bright and full of natural light, in a great part of town, and it already feels like home. The city... well, lets just hope it grows on me.

Brandon, like I said, started school yesterday. He is going to be in the MA of Pharmacology (no, not to be a pharmacist) program- it is basically a 1 year feed-in program to their medical school. I am excited for him. I know he is a bit let down that he didnt get into med school straight away, but you must follow the path that you are given.

I start my job this coming monday, the 12th. I am a nervous wreck. I am psyched, but I am so nervous also.

I have wanted to leave Nashville for a long time. I have had some pretty rough times in this city, and no matter what, it will always be associated with these negative happenings. Nonetheless, staring my departure in the eyes and only having 2 days left here is making me a bit sad. I am mostly going to miss my job. Well, not the job itself, this job is complete crap. But the people are amazing. I am really going to miss them. As for you, Nashville, not so sure I will miss you that much.

So there ya go. Memphis, here I come...

Anyway, that is complete in-a-nutshell update on my crazy life. On the positive side- Memphis has a great Bikram studio, and I am psyched to get involved. I probably will have to take a break for a while due to financial reasons, but once I get back on my feet in a month or two, I will be beyond excited to become a part of that community.

Are you there, God? It's me, Amy.

...And I'm back. I know, I know, I have gone completely MIA over the past month. I apologize. I didnt even write about my 60th day of Bikram! Well, I promise I will update you on Bikram and my life in general... just not right now. I have something else I am just itching to write about that I must share first.
I was raised Catholic. My mom went to Catholic school and was raised in a very strict Catholic home as well, so during my childhood when we lived with my grandparents (mom's side), we were ushered into this Catholic lifestyle. I remember going to church every week and eating cheerios, going to CCD every Wednesday, and even this summer bible school thing where they had puppet shows and we did the "I dont know why she swallowed the fly" song and dance. We would say our prayers before bed every night. We had crosses around the house and around my neck. This Catholic upbringing was wonderful- it taught me structure, morals, a basic sense of good vs evil, and a sense of something more "out there." My mother never forced religion on us- she always let us choose. I never felt pressure to attend church or church events, to believe, or to pursue religion as I grew older. She always gave us options.

When we moved to Vermont, we found the local Catholic church to be somewhat... crooked. They had a strong brainwash mentality, and we were not comfortable with that. We tried going to a Congregational church for a while, and that was nice, but I personally never felt at home there. I was about 16 at this point and was beginning to form opinions that were contradictory to the strict Catholic way of life. I thank my mom for trusting me to make my own choices in life and believing what I felt was right. I thank her for my spiritual foundation, and the option to think for myself.

Over the years, I have built a faith that works for me. I am spiritual, and I do believe in some higher power, but I have strayed further and further from my Catholic roots and organized religion as a whole. I have yet to find an organized community that allows free thinking and individualized belief systems. Every church I have been to is so cookie cutter, so strict, so forceful, and I find that extremely unappealing. It frightens me when certain organizations make it their goal to recruit and convert as many people as they can. I am deeply disturbed by those who go out of their way to force their opinions upon others.

Nonetheless, I believe. I am very spiritual. I believe in evolution. I believe in reincarnation. I believe in Karma. I believe, as I have said time and time again, that the universe will provide. I believe in a higher being, a being that guides our souls through life and offers signs. I pray- not to anyone in particular- but I still pray. I ask for guidance, I offer thanks, I ask for someone to look over those that I love. I believe in peace and happiness for all. I believe in taking care of the earth and treating it with respect. I believe my body is my temple. I believe in love. I believe in mediation and discipline. I believe.

Lately, I have been faced with many challenges and choices in my life. I have done my best to rationally make the best decisions based on the pros and cons of each different potential scenario. However, there is only so much I can rationalize. I have to rely on faith and some higher power to lead me on the path I am meant to follow. I have taken control and not gone too blindly into the future, but at the same time, I have leaned on faith quite a bit to guide me through these hard decisions.

I love my spirituality and faith. I have been given the freedom to explore the world and my options and choose a path that makes me feel full and complete. I have been able to cultivate my spirituality through Bikram yoga, and it has confirmed my devotion to the universe, the earth, my body, and my spirit.

Day 59....!

Today was great! I felt awesome and I was honestly smiling through the entire session! Well, until I got a pesky foot cramp that would randomly come back in postures. Grrr. Probably because I have been eating complete crap lately. Whatever.

ONE MORE DAY! Can you believe it?! I am going to treat this entry as if it were my last- we are leaving straight from class tonight (class 60) to head out on vacation. We are going to SC to see my family, then up to NC to see Brandon's family. I will happily NOT have Internet access for almost a whole week, so I wont be able to update tomorrow after Day 60. Now, that doesnt mean this will be my LAST entry- oh no, my friend. I not only plan on continuing with Bikram, but I will also continue on this "journey" long after it is over. So I will be updating from time to time- not as often as I am now, but here and there, just to keep you on your toes!

So, for this last entry, I am going to talk a bit about my practice as a whole, and then review every posture. It will be lengthy. Enjoy?

I honestly dont know how to describe the spiritual and mental transformation that has taken place within me over the past 60 days, 4 weeks, 2 months. There are no words. I was thinking of a way to try to explain, but nothing can adequately explain it- I would rather leave it to your own imagination than give an inaccurate description. I can sum it up with one bit- I am happy. For the first time in a very long time, I feel at peace with myself and the world.

Physically... eh. Definitely not the spectacular transformation I had been hoping for. If anything, I gained weight. I openly admit that I took on the mentality of "oh, I work out for 90 minutes every day, I can eat anything and everything!" That whole low sugar high protein diet didnt really go as planned. Oh well. I have grown to love my body AND its lumps bumps and curves. After looking at yourself in wet spandex for 90 minutes a day, you get over all those tiny insecurities. So while I didnt lose any weight, I lost insecurity- and that weighs more than a pound of tummy chum.

I could go on and on and on and on and on and on about this journey, what I am feeling and what I am thinking, but it would take ages. I just want to share this 1 message with you all- find what you love and do it. I love Bikram, and I plan to continue doing it.

Now, on to the postures:

-Pranayama: Oh breathing... This was a very difficult aspect of Bikram for me in the beginning, but I love it now. I love filling my lungs to full capacity and knowing they are healthy, full, and pink. I feel relaxed and energized through correct pranayama breathing. I am doing my best to implement this as a meditation during stressful times.

-Half moon with hands to feet: Side to side, I still struggle a great deal. I shake, I hurt, and I feel extremely uncomfortable. It hasnt eased up much over the 60 days, but my form is excellent. I guess I should be proud of this success, especially since it is form over depth! Backward bending is one of my most successful postures- I have progressed so dramatically. I still vary from day to day, but all in all, I am so proud of how deep I am able to get in this posture. Forward bending is a love-hate relationship. I feel wonderful in this posture, but I literally have to give every bit of myself over to this posture. I try so hard in this posture- try to keep correct form, pull my head to the floor, and lock my knees. I love how I feel when I come out of it though!

-Awkward: I love this posture! There are 3 components, and all 3 I enjoy. I feel strong, successful, and proud in this posture. My legs shake, and I love it. I can see the transformation in my legs from these 3 postures. Nothing but love for Awkward!

-Eagle: I think my biggest success in Eagle pose is that I have improved my stability. For the whole 20 seconds, I am focused and not wobbling all over the place like I was in the beginning. I am able to get slightly deeper into the posture, but nothing big. I can get my toes just behind my calf on both sides, but I cannot fully wrap my foot around on either side yet. But like I said, I am stable, focused, and strong in this posture.

-Standing head to knee: Improvement, yes. My standing locked leg has experienced such amazing progress- I am so proud of myself! I remained with just a standing locked leg and keeping my raised leg close to my body for a long time- focusing 100% attention and energy on keeping my leg locked, standing still, focused, and strong. Just recently, I have started kicking out. I cant kick my leg perfectly straight, but I am stable, and that is fantastic. I would rather do it right and with strength than flopping all over the place.

-Standing bow pulling: I really enjoy this posture. I struggle with it every single day, but I enjoy it. When standing on my left leg, I wobble a lot more and struggle with locking my standing leg, but I do not let myself give up. I work so hard- I just recently noticed I make a really funny face in this posture because I focus so hard. It is almost like a Zoolander face. It makes me laugh now to see myself. When standing on the right leg, I feel like a super hero! I am so strong- so focused- so deep into the posture. This side is one of the few postures that I can really push my depth. My leg is up, my body is down, and I am reaching so far forward- I really feel like I could conquer the world in this posture.

-Balancing stick: This is a very cardiovascular posture, and I mostly just struggle with keeping my breathing normal while my heart rate is so high. I have been pretty stable in this posture (of course, having knee-locking issues with my left leg), and my main challenge has been making sure I lower my body down enough. I have the back leg up high enough, but I always either bend down too forward or stay up to high. I have a hard time finding the happy medium.

-Standing separate leg stretching: Oh boy, can you say struggle? I have improved so much, though. When I began, my forehead was a good 2 feet off the floor and my legs were wobbly and bending and I had to keep my hands on the floor below me. Now, I am able to grab y feet, lock my knees, and my head is only about 6 inches off the floor. I have a hard time pulling myself down and hinging at the hips, so I think those last 6 inches will take a lot longer to achieve. I love where I am with this posture, and I love the struggle- I love how my legs shake and I have to try so hard to keep my hands under my feet at the side. I dont like going into it, bur I love the feeling when I come out of it.

-Triangle: The master posture of the standing series. I have worked so hard at improving my form on this posture. My painful hips create a challenge for this posture, but I have done so well. I am able to get into the posture with correct form and amazing depth. I struggle holding the posture for the appropriate amount of time sometimes- I have to really focus on not coming out of the posture too early. Nonetheless, the time I do spend in the posture is awesome and I am so proud of myself!

-Standing separate leg head to knee: It wasnt until Connie from Memphis came to visit that I realized I was doing this with slightly poor form. After her help and adjustments, I feel I am getting better in this posture. I still must bend my knee in order to get the compression with my forehead, but I feel much more stable than I used to. I would wobble and fall and need to use a lot of hand strength to keep me up. Now I am able to keep my palms together and really focus my attention on pushing my knee back with my forehead.

-Tree and toe stand: I love tree pose. When I did yoga in the past, I always thought I was such a badass because I could do this posture. Too bad I have been doing it wrong until I started Bikram! Many people think that it is no big deal to bring both of your hands to prayer position while keeping your leg up. What they dont know is that their backs are bent, their hips arent forward, their knee isnt locked, and they are wobbling all over. So when I got into class, I thought I was awesome, but I was all wrong. Over the past 60 days, I have focused on being the strongest, tallest tree I can be. My leg is locked, my hips are forward, my back is straight, and I am pulling myself up to the ceiling. I can occasionally bring both hands to prayer without my foot falling, but I am more concerned with the form than being able to get both hands to prayer. The second part of tree is toe stand. I am so amazingly proud of myself for in this posture. I have, on several occasions, been able to bring my hands to prayer position, but only for about 4 seconds- I bring my focus forward and try to straighten my back, and I fall. But still, I am really proud of my focus and dedication to doing well in this posture. I enjoy this posture a lot!

-Wind removing pose: This posture is not much of a challenge for me except that I have a hard time holding my yucky sweaty legs. I slip a lot. My back is not yet completely on the floor, but I am working on it. And it has REALLY helped my digestive system- Bikram tells the truth! This posture has done wonders for my indigestion. Sorry, TMI.

-Cobra: I thought I was doing this posture wrong at first because of the depth I was capable of right off the bat. But as it turns out, this is just that 1 posture I am lucky with. Since day 1, I have been able to bring my torso up and get my bellybutton off the floor using just back strength. I dont use my hands, though it may look like it from the depth of my back bend. But alas, I am just that good, haha! I feel extremely lucky to have success in this posture since day 1.

-Locust: Oh locust, what you do to me... What a challenge! I have gotten better, thats for sure, but I still have much further to go. But I am ok with that! I love where I am at. Over the past week especially, on occasion, I am able to get my body moved forward onto my shoulders enough to lift my legs even higher. The hardest part for me is that my hip bones often jab into my arms because I guess I cant get my arms close enough under my body. I am working on it though, and I am so determined to improve my ability in this posture.

-Full locust: This posture varies a lot from day to day. Some days I really do feel like I can take flight and lift off- I feel energetic, light, and powerful. Other days, I struggle to even lift my arms. Sometimes I get this weird sharp pain in my left shoulder blade area. It is weird. It feels like someone is sticking a needle or pin into my shoulder blade. I dont know why.

-Bow: After my realization a while back about using my back strength and not my knees to pull up, I am loving this posture. I just now struggle with keeping my knees only 6 inches apart. I can get into a pretty deep bow form, but my knees spread out further (though my feet are together).

-Fixed firm: Remember when I tokened this one my enemy? Oh it seems like only yesterday. Fixed firm and I are friends now. I still must take my time and not push myself, but I enjoy it. I think it made me so mad when I began my challenge because I was not as good as others. But whatever- I am wonderful where I am. My knees are still very far apart, but I feel comfortable when I lay back. I really look forward to this posture and love the feeling of laying in savasana after it.

-Half tortoise: Again, love this posture. I am getting much better at keeping my hips and heels together while still stretching my arms forward. I have to keep active in this posture, though- it is so easy to get comfy and let your arms go limp. I need to remind myself to keep stretching forward and make this an active, stretching posture. Not a nap =)

-Camel: Master posture of the floor series, how I love you! It is such a struggle- the dizziness, the fear of leaning back, the focus- I love every bit of it! Some days I feel very nauseous in this posture, and those are usually days when I ate or drank water too soon to the start of class. I have talked about it before, but I love how comfortable I am with my vulnerability in this posture. I cannot say enough good things about camel. I am sometimes scared of it and get a bit negative when I know it is coming up, but I always look back on it and give myself a mental high five.

-Rabbit: I think I didnt like this one to begin with because I just didnt get it. It looks quite simple, but there is a lot going on with this one. Pulling your shoulders from your ears, keeping you arms straight, sucking your stomach in, keeping your heels together... the list goes on. It wasnt until about a week ago that I started feeling comfortable with this posture. I always felt really awkward and like I was doing it completely wrong, but lately I feel like I am really producing the correct form. I have a hard time breathing in this posture. I smell bad at this point, and my face is smashed into my own body. Ugh.

-Head to knee with stretching: Oh boy do I struggle with this one. I know it is all about compression, but man, I can definitely feel the pain in my legs as I bend my body forward to my knee. I dont like this posture. I think it is my least favorite. I dont know why. I always go into it with a positive attitude, but I finish feeling very off and not very proud. The postures you dislike the most are the ones you need the most. I must really need this one.

-Khapalbhati: I really like this breathing exercise. A great way to end the class and remind me to bring my discipline and focus with me when I leave the studio.

Now... on to day 60!