Spring is in the air. The sun is shining. I love this time of year. It is a time of new beginnings and new life. I find it very appropriate that I am facing this challenge at this time of year.
Every day brings new emotions about the month to come. I feel everything from excitement and anticipation to premature defeat and fear of failure. I know that my attitude going in to this will make or break my experience, so I remind myself to just go into it with a clear and open mind. I more often feel excitement, but I will not deny that there are times when I feel like I have bitten off more than I can chew. I am not just worried about the physical challenge, but also the commitment. My daily schedule will be changing dramatically, and every aspect of my life will be altered. I will still work 8-5, then study from 5-6 (it would be silly to fight traffic home at 5 only to turn around and fight traffic to get to class on the other side of town), then have class from 6:30-8. I will not get home until about 8:30, eat some form of dinner, shower, get in to bed, and do it all again the next day. I worry about little things… What will I have for dinner? After a workout like that, I surely will not want something heavy and filling. Protein shakes for dinner every night? And what about taking showers? I take showers in the morning- I have to. But now I will have to shower at night, and that throws off my whole routine. My hair hates showering at night. I wake up looking like I have a greasy afro. And what if I simply run out of things to do during that hour after work/ before class? I know there are a million and ten things I have to do and could easily fill that time with (studying for the GRE, working on PhD applications, etc.) but that will take a lot of dedication and initiative. I will get so much less time with Brandon, and though I know we will fit in quality time, it will be significantly less than what we are used to. (But this is good in a way- it will prepare me for if/when he gets into med school and I see him for 10 minutes the entire week.) When will I do chores? If you know me at all, you know I am completely OCD and must have dishes clean, laundry folded, and the coffee table clear of clutter. When will I do my chores? It is things like this that seem so little, but really have a huge impact on my ability to surrender myself fully to the challenge.
It is safe to say that this will be 100% my primary focus for 30 full days. There are going to be days when I am exhausted and would give anything to have a normal, sit-down dinner with Brandon after work. There will be days when I just want to throw in the towel and go home after work and relax. But I will need to keep myself focused and committed to this endeavor.
I am happily distracted from the anticipation of beginning the challenge these days, as I am on the final leg of getting my thesis submitted, defended, and being approved for graduation. I submit my final draft to my committee on March 17, defend on March 25, and have to have changes made and a perfect document submitted to the graduate school the first week of April. So needless to say, I am busy, and therefore less preoccupied with starting the challenge. I think the challenge will be a wonderful reward for the hard work I have put into my thesis. I feel like such a failure for taking this long to graduate, and not a day goes by that I don’t beat myself up for the past 2 years and everything that has happened. I think facing the challenge will boost my self esteem that is so tremendously dwindling right now because of graduate school and life in Nashville. Similar to the Master Cleanse- I want to know that I AM capable of devoting myself to something and finishing it through… and being successful! I almost see the challenge as a way to redeem my disgraceful performance regarding my thesis and the past 2 years.
We have changed the start date to March 29th because it is a Monday- March 1st is a Thursday and the studio we will be practicing at does not have a Friday class we can make due to our work schedule. That would be a poor way to begin. I believe we are going to do double sessions on Saturdays to make up for the lack of a Friday session. That should be interesting. Look forward to those posts!
Oh, on a happier note- I got my tax return back and devoted $200 to new yoga supplies. I got a new mat, bag, and several tops and shorts. It sounds silly, but this is really exciting for me. I really have enjoyed buying all new supplies! I consider it an investment because I am pretty sure that once the 30 days up, I will be addicted and make Bikram a priority in my life and will continue with the practice. And simply put- my old supplies are ready to be retired.
So here’s to new beginnings- a new season, a new challenge, new supplies, a new life with a complete master’s degree, and a new attitude!
