Today was great! I felt awesome and I was honestly smiling through the entire session! Well, until I got a pesky foot cramp that would randomly come back in postures. Grrr. Probably because I have been eating complete crap lately. Whatever.
ONE MORE DAY! Can you believe it?! I am going to treat this entry as if it were my last- we are leaving straight from class tonight (class 60) to head out on vacation. We are going to SC to see my family, then up to NC to see Brandon's family. I will happily NOT have Internet access for almost a whole week, so I wont be able to update tomorrow after Day 60. Now, that doesnt mean this will be my LAST entry- oh no, my friend. I not only plan on continuing with Bikram, but I will also continue on this "journey" long after it is over. So I will be updating from time to time- not as often as I am now, but here and there, just to keep you on your toes!
So, for this last entry, I am going to talk a bit about my practice as a whole, and then review every posture. It will be lengthy. Enjoy?
I honestly dont know how to describe the spiritual and mental transformation that has taken place within me over the past 60 days, 4 weeks, 2 months. There are no words. I was thinking of a way to try to explain, but nothing can adequately explain it- I would rather leave it to your own imagination than give an inaccurate description. I can sum it up with one bit- I am happy. For the first time in a very long time, I feel at peace with myself and the world.
Physically... eh. Definitely not the spectacular transformation I had been hoping for. If anything, I gained weight. I openly admit that I took on the mentality of "oh, I work out for 90 minutes every day, I can eat anything and everything!" That whole low sugar high protein diet didnt really go as planned. Oh well. I have grown to love my body AND its lumps bumps and curves. After looking at yourself in wet spandex for 90 minutes a day, you get over all those tiny insecurities. So while I didnt lose any weight, I lost insecurity- and that weighs more than a pound of tummy chum.
I could go on and on and on and on and on and on about this journey, what I am feeling and what I am thinking, but it would take ages. I just want to share this 1 message with you all- find what you love and do it. I love Bikram, and I plan to continue doing it.
Now, on to the postures:
-Pranayama: Oh breathing... This was a very difficult aspect of Bikram for me in the beginning, but I love it now. I love filling my lungs to full capacity and knowing they are healthy, full, and pink. I feel relaxed and energized through correct pranayama breathing. I am doing my best to implement this as a meditation during stressful times.
-Half moon with hands to feet: Side to side, I still struggle a great deal. I shake, I hurt, and I feel extremely uncomfortable. It hasnt eased up much over the 60 days, but my form is excellent. I guess I should be proud of this success, especially since it is form over depth! Backward bending is one of my most successful postures- I have progressed so dramatically. I still vary from day to day, but all in all, I am so proud of how deep I am able to get in this posture. Forward bending is a love-hate relationship. I feel wonderful in this posture, but I literally have to give every bit of myself over to this posture. I try so hard in this posture- try to keep correct form, pull my head to the floor, and lock my knees. I love how I feel when I come out of it though!
-Awkward: I love this posture! There are 3 components, and all 3 I enjoy. I feel strong, successful, and proud in this posture. My legs shake, and I love it. I can see the transformation in my legs from these 3 postures. Nothing but love for Awkward!
-Eagle: I think my biggest success in Eagle pose is that I have improved my stability. For the whole 20 seconds, I am focused and not wobbling all over the place like I was in the beginning. I am able to get slightly deeper into the posture, but nothing big. I can get my toes just behind my calf on both sides, but I cannot fully wrap my foot around on either side yet. But like I said, I am stable, focused, and strong in this posture.
-Standing head to knee: Improvement, yes. My standing locked leg has experienced such amazing progress- I am so proud of myself! I remained with just a standing locked leg and keeping my raised leg close to my body for a long time- focusing 100% attention and energy on keeping my leg locked, standing still, focused, and strong. Just recently, I have started kicking out. I cant kick my leg perfectly straight, but I am stable, and that is fantastic. I would rather do it right and with strength than flopping all over the place.
-Standing bow pulling: I really enjoy this posture. I struggle with it every single day, but I enjoy it. When standing on my left leg, I wobble a lot more and struggle with locking my standing leg, but I do not let myself give up. I work so hard- I just recently noticed I make a really funny face in this posture because I focus so hard. It is almost like a Zoolander face. It makes me laugh now to see myself. When standing on the right leg, I feel like a super hero! I am so strong- so focused- so deep into the posture. This side is one of the few postures that I can really push my depth. My leg is up, my body is down, and I am reaching so far forward- I really feel like I could conquer the world in this posture.
-Balancing stick: This is a very cardiovascular posture, and I mostly just struggle with keeping my breathing normal while my heart rate is so high. I have been pretty stable in this posture (of course, having knee-locking issues with my left leg), and my main challenge has been making sure I lower my body down enough. I have the back leg up high enough, but I always either bend down too forward or stay up to high. I have a hard time finding the happy medium.
-Standing separate leg stretching: Oh boy, can you say struggle? I have improved so much, though. When I began, my forehead was a good 2 feet off the floor and my legs were wobbly and bending and I had to keep my hands on the floor below me. Now, I am able to grab y feet, lock my knees, and my head is only about 6 inches off the floor. I have a hard time pulling myself down and hinging at the hips, so I think those last 6 inches will take a lot longer to achieve. I love where I am with this posture, and I love the struggle- I love how my legs shake and I have to try so hard to keep my hands under my feet at the side. I dont like going into it, bur I love the feeling when I come out of it.
-Triangle: The master posture of the standing series. I have worked so hard at improving my form on this posture. My painful hips create a challenge for this posture, but I have done so well. I am able to get into the posture with correct form and amazing depth. I struggle holding the posture for the appropriate amount of time sometimes- I have to really focus on not coming out of the posture too early. Nonetheless, the time I do spend in the posture is awesome and I am so proud of myself!
-Standing separate leg head to knee: It wasnt until Connie from Memphis came to visit that I realized I was doing this with slightly poor form. After her help and adjustments, I feel I am getting better in this posture. I still must bend my knee in order to get the compression with my forehead, but I feel much more stable than I used to. I would wobble and fall and need to use a lot of hand strength to keep me up. Now I am able to keep my palms together and really focus my attention on pushing my knee back with my forehead.
-Tree and toe stand: I love tree pose. When I did yoga in the past, I always thought I was such a badass because I could do this posture. Too bad I have been doing it wrong until I started Bikram! Many people think that it is no big deal to bring both of your hands to prayer position while keeping your leg up. What they dont know is that their backs are bent, their hips arent forward, their knee isnt locked, and they are wobbling all over. So when I got into class, I thought I was awesome, but I was all wrong. Over the past 60 days, I have focused on being the strongest, tallest tree I can be. My leg is locked, my hips are forward, my back is straight, and I am pulling myself up to the ceiling. I can occasionally bring both hands to prayer without my foot falling, but I am more concerned with the form than being able to get both hands to prayer. The second part of tree is toe stand. I am so amazingly proud of myself for in this posture. I have, on several occasions, been able to bring my hands to prayer position, but only for about 4 seconds- I bring my focus forward and try to straighten my back, and I fall. But still, I am really proud of my focus and dedication to doing well in this posture. I enjoy this posture a lot!
-Wind removing pose: This posture is not much of a challenge for me except that I have a hard time holding my yucky sweaty legs. I slip a lot. My back is not yet completely on the floor, but I am working on it. And it has REALLY helped my digestive system- Bikram tells the truth! This posture has done wonders for my indigestion. Sorry, TMI.
-Cobra: I thought I was doing this posture wrong at first because of the depth I was capable of right off the bat. But as it turns out, this is just that 1 posture I am lucky with. Since day 1, I have been able to bring my torso up and get my bellybutton off the floor using just back strength. I dont use my hands, though it may look like it from the depth of my back bend. But alas, I am just that good, haha! I feel extremely lucky to have success in this posture since day 1.
-Locust: Oh locust, what you do to me... What a challenge! I have gotten better, thats for sure, but I still have much further to go. But I am ok with that! I love where I am at. Over the past week especially, on occasion, I am able to get my body moved forward onto my shoulders enough to lift my legs even higher. The hardest part for me is that my hip bones often jab into my arms because I guess I cant get my arms close enough under my body. I am working on it though, and I am so determined to improve my ability in this posture.
-Full locust: This posture varies a lot from day to day. Some days I really do feel like I can take flight and lift off- I feel energetic, light, and powerful. Other days, I struggle to even lift my arms. Sometimes I get this weird sharp pain in my left shoulder blade area. It is weird. It feels like someone is sticking a needle or pin into my shoulder blade. I dont know why.
-Bow: After my realization a while back about using my back strength and not my knees to pull up, I am loving this posture. I just now struggle with keeping my knees only 6 inches apart. I can get into a pretty deep bow form, but my knees spread out further (though my feet are together).
-Fixed firm: Remember when I tokened this one my enemy? Oh it seems like only yesterday. Fixed firm and I are friends now. I still must take my time and not push myself, but I enjoy it. I think it made me so mad when I began my challenge because I was not as good as others. But whatever- I am wonderful where I am. My knees are still very far apart, but I feel comfortable when I lay back. I really look forward to this posture and love the feeling of laying in savasana after it.
-Half tortoise: Again, love this posture. I am getting much better at keeping my hips and heels together while still stretching my arms forward. I have to keep active in this posture, though- it is so easy to get comfy and let your arms go limp. I need to remind myself to keep stretching forward and make this an active, stretching posture. Not a nap =)
-Camel: Master posture of the floor series, how I love you! It is such a struggle- the dizziness, the fear of leaning back, the focus- I love every bit of it! Some days I feel very nauseous in this posture, and those are usually days when I ate or drank water too soon to the start of class. I have talked about it before, but I love how comfortable I am with my vulnerability in this posture. I cannot say enough good things about camel. I am sometimes scared of it and get a bit negative when I know it is coming up, but I always look back on it and give myself a mental high five.
-Rabbit: I think I didnt like this one to begin with because I just didnt get it. It looks quite simple, but there is a lot going on with this one. Pulling your shoulders from your ears, keeping you arms straight, sucking your stomach in, keeping your heels together... the list goes on. It wasnt until about a week ago that I started feeling comfortable with this posture. I always felt really awkward and like I was doing it completely wrong, but lately I feel like I am really producing the correct form. I have a hard time breathing in this posture. I smell bad at this point, and my face is smashed into my own body. Ugh.
-Head to knee with stretching: Oh boy do I struggle with this one. I know it is all about compression, but man, I can definitely feel the pain in my legs as I bend my body forward to my knee. I dont like this posture. I think it is my least favorite. I dont know why. I always go into it with a positive attitude, but I finish feeling very off and not very proud. The postures you dislike the most are the ones you need the most. I must really need this one.
-Khapalbhati: I really like this breathing exercise. A great way to end the class and remind me to bring my discipline and focus with me when I leave the studio.
Now... on to day 60!
