The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step...

I first heard that quote in high school. It was on a little notebook I bought to give to a friend, but ended up keeping (ha). I have thought of it every now and then in my life when I am feeling like a goal is too large to conquer. I was reminded of it again yesterday at a suicide/crisis prevention training session at work. I realized how much it applies to my life right now, both literally and figuratively.

Some days I wake up and I am paralyzed with how hurt I am from my past relationship. Other days, I am on my knees I am so thankful for removing myself from such a toxic situation and opening myself to this new, beautiful world without him. My path to recovery is traumatic and testing, but I must keep taking small steps. I have a long way to go, but each step, either backwards or forwards, is keeping me in motion and will ultimately get me to where I need to be.

Running has been a challenge. You may laugh because I am only running 3 miles, but I struggle every single day to push myself. One step after the next, one foot in front of the other, it all begins with that first step. Just making the first step is enough to push me to continue. I am scared, but I will do this. I know I can, and I will.

I doubt myself a lot. I have a hard time breaking large challenges down into manageable tasks. Everything from losing weight to eventually getting into a PhD program- I get so overwhelmed by the ultimate goal that I often loose sight of how far I have already come.

So weight... I re-joined Weight Watchers the day after everything happened in September. I needed some form of control in my life that was so greatly out of my control. Over the past 4 months, I have only lost 10 lbs. I say "only" because my goal is to lose a total of 23. Now, while I initially get very discouraged to only see slight drops in my weight each week, I have to see the smaller goals here. Not only am I NOT gaining (and boy oh boy, am I an emotional eater), but I see a transformation in my body. While I may not be shedding lbs left and right, my clothes fit looser and I look better- fat turns to muscle, and I am much more toned and healthy. I must remember to praise myself for these small steps and these small goals along the way to my ultimate destination.

I have rambled a lot here... sorry for that. Just kinda getting some thoughts out and seeing where they go. It is true, the cliche: you are your own worst critic. While I realize that a reasonable amount of anxiety, pressure, and determination is necessary to keep me moving, I need to be less critical of myself. I am taking the first steps, I am putting one foot in front of the other, and while I may be moving at a snails pace, at least I AM MOVING...