But first, just a little bit about postures and such. I don't know if it was because I was sweating more or what the deal was, but I was so sweaty and therefore soooo slippery. I kept slipping out of postures (tree, toe standing, etc) because I was so wet! How gross is that? Also, classes are beginning to FLY by for me. Before I realize it, we are on our last posture, moving in to our last breathing exercise, and it is over! I am used to the flow of class now and I know what posture to anticipate next, so I am sure that's why the 90 minutes seem to fly by.
So, my breakthrough. 100% mental, not physical...I HAVE NO ENEMIES.
Let me explain. I got to class a bit early so I just went and layed in savasana (restorative, relaxation laying pose) and tried to clear my mind from the busy busy day I had. I started to go through postures in my head and mentally prepare myself for class. I got to standing head to knee pose, and immediately thought "ugh, I hate that one, my enemy, I can't do it!" The same thought came to mind as I got to locust and head to knee pose with stretching (pictured above).
As I was doing standing head to knee and locust, that thought was going through my mind- "my enemy, this is so hard, it hurts, I can't do it, my enemy." When I got to head to knee pose with stretching, my mind won. I sat out. I told myself I couldn't do it, and I didn't. I couldn't. As I sat there not participating in set 1 of the posture, I wanted to cry. I let my mind get the best of me. I was over taken with negativity and thoughts of failure. Then it hit me- I have no enemies. None of these postures are completely beyond my capability. I may not do them well, and I may never do them well, but that does not mean they are my enemy. Going in with this mindset is admitting defeat before I even give it a try. Calling them my enemies is only setting myself up for failure. They are not my enemies- I am MAKING them my enemies. So I took a few deep breaths, and joined in the second set. I spent the last 15 minutes of class thinking about this....
I don't enjoy feelings of hate. I don't often say hate (in a serious way...); I sometimes say it joking, but I rarely actually feel pure hatred towards anyone or anything. I don't like these negative feelings. I don't want to be surrounded by that negative energy, and I certainly do not want to send that negative energy to others. I don't want enemies. I don't really see myself having any, now that I think about it. There have been people in my life that have hurt me, upset me, or made me really mad, but honestly, I don't have any enemies. I may make them my enemy out of overwhelming feelings I may have, but there is not enough room in me for these emotions. I have always been proud of myself for not holding grudges. I need to apply this to yoga as well.
This may not make any sense to anyone else, and I am probably doing a terrible job of explaining what I am feeling, but I hope I am getting the bigger picture across. Life is too beautiful to have enemies. I am capable. I am strong. I am happy. Why surround myself with negativity? I can. And I will.
