Lets start with a positive: I am doing very well with balancing stick pose (below). I always feel so empowered and proud when I knock this posture out of the park. I love it.
Now on to the... not so positive...
Fixed firm got the best of me today. I don't think it was the actual posture that upset me. It was looking at the person next to me and seeing the perfection. Seeing the ease. Seeing the simplicity. Seeing the ribs. Seeing the calm breath. Seeing everything I was missing. I layed (lyed? lied? lay? wtf I hate that word) down and started crying. Why? Am I that big of a wimp? Whatever, judge me, I don't care. I cried. I cried like a baby. I sat out during the second set and cried. I don't know where I got the strength, but I somehow made it through the rest of class (tear free) and managed to give at least moderate effort in the remaining few poses. I am caught in a tough place here. I know I have only been doing this for just over a week, so the progress isn't going to be paramount. It takes people years to perfect these postures. Years. On the flip side, I see tremendous progress in others from day to day and I cant help but be jealous of that accelerated progress. It comes so easily to others. I want that. I want to be good at this.
Last night brought a whole other set of emotional issues with my life (I will spare you the details), and I barely slept. My mind is a mess. Racing. Flustered. Today was the first morning I woke up and didn't WANT to go to Bikram this evening. I don't like this feeling.
When you have a bad day, people will always say "It's OK, you're allowed to have a bad day" or "Not every day can be perfect"... Why? Why can't every day be perfect? Don't give me an answer about brain chemistry and hormones. I am talking attitude. Why can't every day be perfect?
On a completely different (or completely related) note- I finally started reading Eat, Pray, Love while I was unable to sleep last night. It frightens me how much I am like Liz.
