Bear with me, I have a lot to share, and I am in a chatty mood!
Again, it amazes me how drastically my practice can change from day to day. Today was wonderful. I spent a while reading Bikram's book before class, and I think that inspired me. I am at the part in is book where he begins explaining each posture, tips and pointers for success, and the benefits of each. Though I hear the instructions spoken at me every day, reading it made a bit more sense and helped me really think about what is happening in my body. (Just like in college- lectures go in one ear and out the other, but reading/writing makes it stick!)
Also, I spoke with Kate before class for a bit. I have been having some troubles with standing bow pulling pose. Well, I can do this posture very well when standing on my right leg and holding my left leg, but the opposite, standing on my left leg and holding my right leg, is a disaster. I cannot lock my standing left leg! I understand that our bodies are not perfect, they are not symmetric, but this drastic difference makes me wonder if there is error in my practice on this side. So I asked Kate for some advice on how to improve my standing locked leg. As we spoke, she pointed out that I have a tendency to hyper-extend my knees back as I attempt to lock them. She said that the key to locking your leg is to not necessarily push your knee back as far as it can go, but to keep it straight and the thigh muscle contracted. I do not do this. I push the knee back, and that is it. That is, I am sure, why my hamstrings have been so sore lately. So we spent a few minutes looking at my legs and practicing the difference between hyper-extension and locking the thigh. I found that whenever I try to contract my thigh, it shakes violently. I guess they need some work! After we discussed my legs, she asked me how long I have been practicing. I said, in a voice suggesting defeat and weakness, "45 days!" She laughed and said, "Ha, oh, don't you worry. It takes months, even years to perfect this practice! You are fine!" This comment really hit me. Ya know, it's true. I have only been doing this for 45 days. And sometimes I really beat myself up about "where I should be" at this point in my journey. I dont share it often, but deep down, I really do have expectations of myself and feel I should be progressing quicker. I mean, if you do something every single day, you have to get better at it, right? Well, Bikram yoga is different. I am changing my body- a body that has been set in its ways for 26 (almost 27, wow, yuck) years. 45 days is not nearly enough time to fix something that has been broken for almost 3 decades. IT TAKES TIME. And I must remind myself of this. In the big picture, I have done Bikram for such a minimal amount of time, of course I still need work! I really think a lot of my discouragement and desire to progress further comes from those that can hop into the studio and do everything perfect on their first day. Ya know what, SO WHAT?! Yea, good for you, but also, so what?! And people like this are so few and far between that I cannot let my focus and mid set revolve around these needle-in-a-haystack freaks. (OK that was harsh, I apologize.) But seriously, I am doing awesome, and I need to cut myself some slack. Thanks, Kate, for that little reality check. Much appreciated!
During the standing series, I paid 100% attention on my locked leg with contracted thigh, and made sure to not completely hyper-extend my knee. I didnt care how deep I went into the posture- I didnt push myself too hard- I really wanted to be sure I had the correct form. Most often, I was fine when balancing on my right leg- I was able to lock the leg using correct form. On my left leg, however, I had a much harder time doing it correctly. THEN, in standing separate leg with stretching, my thighs (on both sides) were shaking so violently I nearly fell over! I wasnt in pain, my thigh muscles must just be not use to such extended contraction. I look forward to continuing to improve my locked leg.
The rambling continues. I warned you.
During bow pose, I had a huge realization. It is funny how after doing something day in and day out, you all of a sudden realize you are doing something completely wrong. I have been using my legs, mostly my knees, to pull myself up. My knees were beginning to really hurt during this posture. And you know Bikram- you can mess with the Gods, but dont mess with your knees! I wasnt sure what I was doing wrong, but I knew something wasnt right. I was getting very deep into the posture, but it just didnt feel good, and my knees were not happy at me. Today, I suddenly realized that, duh, this is a back strengthening posture, use your back muscles, dummy! So I used my back rather than my legs to bow my body up, and, shocking, my knees didnt hurt. I cannot go nearly as far into the posture as I was able to before, but this is a perfect example of form over depth. I could continue to go deep into the posture for looks, but I would be hurting my body and doing more damage than good. OR I could take a step back, do it the new found correct way, and help my body. So, my progress in bow pose was drastically stunted, but well worth the alteration.
I have really begun to enjoy Kate's classes. Today she brought such peace to my mind and I had no trouble focusing or keeping a strict discipline. Also, during our final savasana, she sang a verse of Across The Universe. Of course, I teared up. She has a beautiful voice, and that song always brings out strong emotions- I love the words. She ended on a comment "Remember, nothing's going to change your world. You are the only one that can make that change." Just beautiful.
On my drive home, I smiled. As I got to the road just before my driveway, I had my windows down and the wind was blowing in, bringing the smell of honeysuckle. It brought me back to my childhood. The playground at Salem Drive, the elementary school I went to, was surrounded by honeysuckle. During the spring, the playground would always smell so good. This smell will always remind me of recess in 1st grade. What a beautiful way to end the day.
