I dont know what is up with my mood lately. I am so blaaaaah. I am eating anything and everything I see. I am tired all the time. I am not sad or upset, just... blah. Get me outta this funk, Bikram! I am pretty sure it is still tied to the "almost-birthday-blues, i-miss-my-friends-blues, and what-am-i-doing-with-my-life-blues." I am trying very hard to choose to be happy, cheerful, and optimistic, but it is like an epic battle in my soul. "Be happy! No, feel sorry for yourself! NO, I will NOT! I will be full and loving and compassionate towards all! Ha, yea right, another cranky day!" I am going to spend the rest of the day trying to wrangle my negative thoughts and get control of my thoughts and feelings.
Class last night was OK. It is funny- whenever there is a new student, they somehow always end up next to or behind me. I always get this feeling of being their teacher-by-example. It is weird. It almost motivates me to do my absolute best so they can feel the positive energy exuding from me and take hold of that and use it. I am strange, I know.
As far as the physical aspect of my practice goes, I think I could give more. Sometimes I find myself getting too comfortable with the postures and where I am. I give 100% effort, but I need to give more. I definitely do on some postures, but others only get enough effort to get me by. I need to focus, especially over these last 8 days, on giving every little bit of strength I have. I am not going to die. I may be sore, but I will be OK. I need to push myself. I think I need a pep talk. I am glad Sandra is coming back today. I feel comfortable looking for strength in her.
