2 in/ 28 out

Day 2 went quite well. I did feel slightly discouraged, but not because of the Bikram. I was discouraged about myself and my body. I was discouraged that I have let myself get to this point- to this weight, to this lack of flexibility, and to this unhealthy of a state. Granted, I know I am more healthy than most people out there, but I am still not happy with where I am at. I was looking at myself in the mirror and I was disgusted with what I saw looking back at me. I am determined to make this positive change in my life and turn this discouragement into motivation.

No sitting out this time- I did all postures, though many with adaptations. My nemesis is the fixed firm pose:

While it doesnt LOOK that hard, I seem to find this posture the most challenging. I cant even sit with my legs in that position, let alone lay back. My adaptation currently is to just get compfortable sitting with my legs in that position, but it hurts my thighs and ankles tremendously. I am determined to become better at this posture over the next 27 days. I am going to push myself very hard on this one- not too hard, but hard enough.

I wore the most awful pair of running shorts ever. Lesson learned.

My body is tired, but not sore. It is aware of the changes taking place, but not hurting me in any way. I am interested to see if the pain will come.

So far, so good.

Let's get this party started: 1 in/ 29 out

Well, I survived. Not only did I survive, I left with a huge smile on my face.

Was it what I expected? Well, yes and no. As I mentioned before, I have mostly done very calm, relaxing, meditation-oriented yoga. Soothing talk, if any. Dim lights. Slow movement. Calm, calm, calm. This was pretty much the exact opposite. Bright lights. Constant instruction. Push, push, push.

The structure- at first I was extremely distracted with the continuous instruction, but after about 20 minutes, I actually began really enjoying it. It gave me something to focus on other than my own discomfort. Also, it really helped me be sure that my posture was correct and that I was giving my all.

The heat- wow, the heat. I was sitting on my mat before class even began, and I was already dripping with sweat. It was uncomfortable, but not unbearable. The only time the heat really got to me was when I was in a posture that required my face to be pressed into my mat or my body. I really didn’t like this feeling, and it made my breathing very awkward and I was tempted to alter the posture to make this easier. Also, I was so covered in sweat that I would slip out of postures a lot. I am a sweaty person. Other than those few moments, the heat didn’t get to me too much.

The postures- I have a lot of progress ahead of me, let’s just say that. I only sat out of 1 set of 1 posture, which I must say I am extremely proud of. I could not do 2 postures at all, but I did my best and stayed with the adaptations, but I am excited to push myself further and further each day and achieve these 2. Of course my hamstrings and lack of flexibility was very apparent, but I did my best to not get discouraged. I focused on what I could do rather than what I could not do. It was hard to not look at others (mostly so I could be sure I was doing everything right) and therefore hold some comparison, but I never felt frustrated about what I was not capable of. Granted, this is my first, and I am sure I may get more frustrated with time if I don’t see the progress I hope for, but for now, I am happy with where I am at.

The breathing- awful. I am really bad at not only remembering to breathe through postures (I tend to hold my breath), but my breaths were very unsteady and often through my mouth. I need to really focus on this during the next few sessions. I think once I get my breathing down, it will make the postures a bit easier.

The day after- I am not as sore as I thought I would be. My big toe on my right foot hurts terribly, but I think that may be from the awful shoes I wore to work yesterday rather than the yoga. My body is a bit fatigued, but not sore. I fell asleep in about 7 seconds last night, but I had a very restless sleep- waking up a lot, tossing and turning, mind racing. But I feel good today. Not great, but good. Better than I expected.

I am excited to get to another class. I hope to carry this positive attitude and outlook through the full 30 days, but I am sure there will be times when my attitude is my worst enemy. Nonetheless, I am ecstatic about the journey ahead and everything I will face along the way. I can’t stop smiling!

And now for something completely different...

First of all, if you know what that is a reference to, I am proud to be your friend.

Second of all, I am a Master. A Master's level Clinical Psychologist, at that. Thank you, thank you, thank you....

Third of all, it was brought to my attention that my blog is not "fun" enough. Well, anonymous friend that submitted this suggestion (OMAR), I must remind you that this is a blog about yoga. Though I know that I am a hilarious, witty, amazing, fun-loving gal, this is a spot for me to talk about yoga. But alas, I have agreed to be a bit more "fun" in an entry or two. I can guarantee that from time to time, my yoga entries WILL be humerus, but for now, I will go with something completely different in order to please my readers.

1) I strongly believe that 2 things can say a lot about you, and represent your life in a very reliable way:

A) How you make your PBJ sandwiches. What kind of bread do you use? What kind of PB? Chunky or smooth? What kind of jelly? Or do you use jam? Or preserves? Which do you put on first? Do you lick the knife. As a MASTERS LEVEL CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST, I am allowed to say that how you make your PBJ is a look into your soul. Freud had dreams, I have PBJs. I, personally, make a PBJ as follows. I use only wheat bread, Jif reduced fat crunchy PB, and strawberry jam. The brand of the jam doesn't matter, but it must be jam, not jelly. First I put on the jelly, then the PB. I do this because it is much easier to wipe the jelly off the knife so you dont have to dip a spit-covered knife into the PB, and you don't have to contaminate the PB with the jelly. So, a generous amount of strawberry jelly, wipe off the knife on the clean piece of bread, then dive in to the Jiff Reduced Fat Crunchy PB. Once the PB is on, go to town licking the knife- you dont need it anymore. Wrap it in a paper towel, and enjoy.

B) Your GPS settings. Now, it makes me sad that something so technologically advanced can serve as such a valid window into your soul, but it really does. I have mine set on a British woman's accent ("turn on to the motorway once through the roundabout.") and my car is a big blue monster truck. Get creative. If you are going to have someone screaming instructions to you and sitting with you through your 7 hour long journeys, you may as well enjoy their company. Standard store settings are lame. Spice it up a little. I promise- you will be glad you did.

2) Another thing that was recently brought to my attention is a problem that has been around for ages. Well, not really ages, but at least since 1940s when the first electric clothes dryer hit the market. We always blame the dryer for missing socks. We put the clothes in the washing machine, switch them over, then as we are folding them we say "wtf, where is my other purple striped sock?! the dryer must have eaten it!" First of all, I think it is funny that so many people choose the verb "eaten" in this scenario. I get an amazing mental image of a dryer with fangs and sharp, jagged teeth. It's amazing. Second, why does the dryer always get the blame? Why not the washing machine? Or your lack of organization and inability to keep track of your socks? I guess the whole lint trap factor adds a bit of unknown to the inner workings of the dryer, lending itself very easily to disappearing articles of clothing- but if this was the case, why don't shirts, underwear, or gym shorts go missing? Yea, think about it...

OK well I know there was something else I desperately needed to share with my readers, but I cannot remember what it is at the moment. When I remember, you will get a completely random addition to this completely random entry.

Oh, by the way- my first yoga session starts in an hour. I am excited beyond belief. I have been drinking my water (and peeing every 27 seconds) and I have everything I should need. I have a few hesitant feelings, mostly about my physical abilities, but I am remaining confident and open-minded about the whole situation. I probably wont get to tell you about my sessions until the following morning, but I will be sure to update you all ASAP in the morning. Wish me luck....

T minus 6 days and counting...

I have planned to a point of nearly driving myself insane, but I am ready. Cooking, cleaning, buying, mapping, scheduling, reading, writing, gathering... I know I can be a bit neurotic at times, but this tops the cake. Nonetheless, I am ready.

On Sunday, Sarah and I went to visit the Bikram studio where will be doing our challenge, and we met with the owner, who is also an instructor- Sandra. She was wonderful and so supportive of our determination to get started, especially since neither of us have done Bikram before. A class was just ending as we got there, and we got a great view of what to expect: sweat, sweat, heat, stink, sweat, heat, stink, and heat. There was a tremendously diverse group of people in the class, someone from all walks of life: tall and short, thick and thin, old and young, men and women. I love that this practice can bring such a diverse population together to a common goal. There was a chart on the wall of people who were pursuing 30, 60 and even 90 day challenges. That feel of camaraderie is amazing to me—in a “sport” that is so personal and internal, it is nice to see that sense of support from the group.

Visiting the studio made our forthcoming challenge more realistic than it has been thus far. It was both invigorating and intimidating.

My mind switches daily when it comes to which aspect of this challenge will be hardest for me…

Some days I think the commitment will be the most difficult. However, I know that I will do this, and while other aspects of my life may have to take a back seat (it is hard for a control-freak like me to let go a little), I am determined to commit wholeheartedly. So, while this is a potential challenge, I feel I will be the most successful in this area.

Some days I think the mental challenge will be unbearable. I can tell myself to not compare my capabilities to those of others, but it is easier said than done. When you are standing right next to someone who can do something much better than you, it is very hard to push that thought out of your mind. I want to be the best I can be, but sometimes I confuse that with the best that others can be. I read a quote on another 30 day challenge blog that will help me here: “accept yourself: however you are today is how you are.” I am going to have to write that in sharpie on my yoga mat.

Some days I am extremely worried (and a bit scared) about the physical aspect of this commitment. I am healthy and fit, yes, I know… but not as healthy and fit as I would like to be. I am going to be so sore. Also, I am extremely inflexible and have very tight hips and hamstrings. I have seen in other yoga/pilates classes that some poses that seem easy are extremely painful for me to even attempt. I know that flexibility will come with time, and that in the meanwhile I must not push myself to the point of pain, but that is hard for me to accept. I almost have a 4-year-old’s mentality on this: I want it, and I want it now. I must be patient.

All of these fears are assuaged with the reminder of the benefits of what I am about to do. I have read about the benefits of Bikram on the internet and have learned from others, but there was a pamphlet at the studio that I picked that listed benefits of Bikram. I thought I would share that with everyone so you can know as well:

1) Increased flexibility
2) Increased energy and strength
3) Improved muscle tone
4) Relieve back pain
5) Increased cell renewal
6) Clean pores
7) Accelerated injury recovery
8) Regulate appetite
9) Healthy weight loss
10) Increased blood circulation
11) Relieve arthritis
12) Increased lung capacity
13) Revitalizes nerves
14) Make new friends
15) Detox liver and kidneys
16) Improve thyroid function
17) Aid digestion
18) Improve joint mobility
19) Overall sense of well being
20) Relax and sleep more soundly
21) Improve discipline
22) Greater level of patience
23) Disperse negativity
24) Improve mental clarity
25) Balance hormones
26) A body that defies your age

When I read through this list of benefits, I am filled with determination and joy. It may sound silly, but this truly is a life-changing event. I can’t wait.

I AM READY!

Feeling a bit cloudy...

I am having a very negative day. I am feeling very apprehensive about the month to come, and I am unreasonably emotional. I am freaking out about every little detail, trying to plan way too far in advance and trying to please everyone (besides myself) in the process. I am feeling very overwhelmed.

I need to step back and relax- I need to reevaluate why I am doing this and what my goals are over the next month. I have had this song lyric stuck in my head all day, and I keep saying it over and over to help calm myself: "All will be well- you can ask me how, but only time will tell."

To new beginnings!

Spring is in the air. The sun is shining. I love this time of year. It is a time of new beginnings and new life. I find it very appropriate that I am facing this challenge at this time of year.




Every day brings new emotions about the month to come. I feel everything from excitement and anticipation to premature defeat and fear of failure. I know that my attitude going in to this will make or break my experience, so I remind myself to just go into it with a clear and open mind. I more often feel excitement, but I will not deny that there are times when I feel like I have bitten off more than I can chew. I am not just worried about the physical challenge, but also the commitment. My daily schedule will be changing dramatically, and every aspect of my life will be altered. I will still work 8-5, then study from 5-6 (it would be silly to fight traffic home at 5 only to turn around and fight traffic to get to class on the other side of town), then have class from 6:30-8. I will not get home until about 8:30, eat some form of dinner, shower, get in to bed, and do it all again the next day. I worry about little things… What will I have for dinner? After a workout like that, I surely will not want something heavy and filling. Protein shakes for dinner every night? And what about taking showers? I take showers in the morning- I have to. But now I will have to shower at night, and that throws off my whole routine. My hair hates showering at night. I wake up looking like I have a greasy afro. And what if I simply run out of things to do during that hour after work/ before class? I know there are a million and ten things I have to do and could easily fill that time with (studying for the GRE, working on PhD applications, etc.) but that will take a lot of dedication and initiative. I will get so much less time with Brandon, and though I know we will fit in quality time, it will be significantly less than what we are used to. (But this is good in a way- it will prepare me for if/when he gets into med school and I see him for 10 minutes the entire week.) When will I do chores? If you know me at all, you know I am completely OCD and must have dishes clean, laundry folded, and the coffee table clear of clutter. When will I do my chores? It is things like this that seem so little, but really have a huge impact on my ability to surrender myself fully to the challenge.

It is safe to say that this will be 100% my primary focus for 30 full days. There are going to be days when I am exhausted and would give anything to have a normal, sit-down dinner with Brandon after work. There will be days when I just want to throw in the towel and go home after work and relax. But I will need to keep myself focused and committed to this endeavor.

I am happily distracted from the anticipation of beginning the challenge these days, as I am on the final leg of getting my thesis submitted, defended, and being approved for graduation. I submit my final draft to my committee on March 17, defend on March 25, and have to have changes made and a perfect document submitted to the graduate school the first week of April. So needless to say, I am busy, and therefore less preoccupied with starting the challenge. I think the challenge will be a wonderful reward for the hard work I have put into my thesis. I feel like such a failure for taking this long to graduate, and not a day goes by that I don’t beat myself up for the past 2 years and everything that has happened. I think facing the challenge will boost my self esteem that is so tremendously dwindling right now because of graduate school and life in Nashville. Similar to the Master Cleanse- I want to know that I AM capable of devoting myself to something and finishing it through… and being successful! I almost see the challenge as a way to redeem my disgraceful performance regarding my thesis and the past 2 years.

We have changed the start date to March 29th because it is a Monday- March 1st is a Thursday and the studio we will be practicing at does not have a Friday class we can make due to our work schedule. That would be a poor way to begin. I believe we are going to do double sessions on Saturdays to make up for the lack of a Friday session. That should be interesting. Look forward to those posts!

Oh, on a happier note- I got my tax return back and devoted $200 to new yoga supplies. I got a new mat, bag, and several tops and shorts. It sounds silly, but this is really exciting for me. I really have enjoyed buying all new supplies! I consider it an investment because I am pretty sure that once the 30 days up, I will be addicted and make Bikram a priority in my life and will continue with the practice. And simply put- my old supplies are ready to be retired.

So here’s to new beginnings- a new season, a new challenge, new supplies, a new life with a complete master’s degree, and a new attitude!

so fresh and so clean.

I’m knee deep in the Master Cleanse. I have done it before, but I did it pretty half-assed and didn’t give it my all. This time around, I am much more committed and focused. And… I FEEL WONDERFUL!

Say what you will about the Master Cleanse, good or bad- your opinion is always appreciated. There are pros and cons to any challenge you face in life. I chose to do the Master Cleanse to rid my body of the gunk it has accumulated over 26 years, and to bolster my will power. Through this adventure, I have found that I am capable of mind over matter. I so often set my mind to something, then back out when it gets too tough. The psychological battle that accompanies this cleanse is tremendous, and I am extremely proud of myself for getting this far.

No, it is not a diet; I am not, in any way, doing this to lose weight. While others may choose to use this as a weight loss method, I don’t think it is a safe or effective way to shed a few pounds. I already eat a very healthy diet, consisting of mostly fruits, vegetables, beans, and whole grains. Yea, from time to time I will splurge and eat 4 pieces of pizza in 1 sitting, or devour an entire bag of goldfish in a matter of minutes, but who doesn’t? I do not eat meat; I have been a vegetarian for nearly 2 years now, and it is one of the best changes I have made in my life. So while I already eat healthy more often than not, I still believe my body would benefit from a cleanse. And I believe it has.

Doing this cleanse has made me think critically about my commitment to the 30 day Bikram challenge. There will be times when I am supported by my friends and family, and there will be times when people are telling me I am insane for making this choice. There will be times when I am alone and needing external support, but I will have to look within to find the power to push forward. There will be times when I myself am wondering if I have made the right choice and if it would be easier to just quit. On the contrary, there will be times when I am feeling amazing, and I have to remember to not let the comments of others bring me down. I am doing this for ME. I am not doing this for anyone else. I am unbelievably lucky to have friends choosing to face the challenge as well, but I am not doing this for them. This is about me. This is one time I am allowed to be selfish.

I am looking forward to April with such determination and enthusiasm!

(Thank you, Carrie, for your amazing support during this past week. I love you!)