A blast from the past

Remember when AOL Instant Messenger was THE BIG THING? It seems like facebook, text messages, and fancy touch-screen phones have taken over. Well, "back in my day" we used good old AIM. I still get people saying, "Wow, you type so fast!" My response: All thanks to AIM!

Anyway, I logged on to AIM this morning randomly. I have NO idea why. (Ok that's a lie. It's because all of the friends that crashed at my house last night after a ridiculously fun night out are still asleep and I, the perpetual early riser, am bored.) So I checked my profile- yea, remember those?!- and I loved what I had written in there:

you've got to chase a dream, one that's all your own...

*scotland 04*

I LOVERMONT

CLEMSON TIGERS

BWC 03-04

WCU 08

...and now i live in nashville, tn.

So just love, make mistakes, and have wonderful times, but never second guess who you are, where you have been, and most importantly, where it is you are going.

[S&TC]

be young, be foolish, be happy

I had obviously just moved to Nashville when I last updated that. I look at how much my life has changed since then, and it blows my mind. I was so ambitious. I had so many goals in life, and I was determined to achieve them. I was on my way to the top.

Unfortunately, I chose a relationship over those goals. I let another person steal that ambition from me. I even had my graduate school mentor recently tell me that I had so much potential and I "woulda gone far," but I chose love instead. It really upset me to hear that, and it upsets me now as I look back on the person I once was. Nonetheless, I must remind myself every minute of every day that I am here for a reason. Life has lead me down this road on purpose. I have no idea why, and it really bothers me to say "everything happens for a reason," but that's all I have to lean on right now.

I knew where I was going. I had a dream. And I lost it. I think I need to find that dream once again. MY dream. I am sure I still have it tucked away inside me.... somewhere...

Just a quick FYI:

i. suck. at. push. ups.

seriously. wow.

and yes, i AM doing push-ups and working out at 8pm on a friday night... what of it?!

Strength: FOUND!

I had a bad day today. I woke up feeling very sad and very lonely. I bumbled through the day on the verge of tears. Go figure that when I am feeling low, my friends come through shining...

I got a present today from my friend Maureen. Totally out of the blue, totally unexpected, and totally not necessary. But, nonetheless, she spoiled me! An awesome Nike headband to keep my giant ears warm, the coolest running glove/mittens that even have a spot on the thumb so you can still work your iPod, anti-chafe balm (hahaha), and a card that brought tears to my eyes! I am so thankful for such a wonderful friend. She is a huge inspiration to me also. I knew she was into running, but I had no idea to what extent. The day after I decided to embark on this challenge, I told her and she was so excited for me! Turns out she did the exact same thing last year! At that time, I was still thinking of taking my training super slow and hoping to complete the St Jude 1/2 in December 2011, but after talking with her for a while, she encouraged me to go for the Music City 1/2 instead. Maureen is such a wonderful friend and I have turned to her so many times for advice- not just about running, but about life. I adore her so much, and I thank her for being a solid oak tree in the hurricane of my life in Memphis. So thank you, Maureen! YOU ARE MY STRENGTH!

Then, I log on here to see that Annie has dedicated an entire post to little old ME! Her tips were just what I needed, and I am so thankful for her advice. I have done strength training before, but never with any real goal in mind. (OK fine, I admit it- I mostly did it just to "stay fit," whatever that means to a college girl that mostly goes to Gold's to look at cute boys.) Some of the schedules and series I have seen are extremely intimidating and I am scared to even try. I was glad to read something simple and easy, broken down to a level that even someone like me can understand, yet didn't make me feel like a complete idiot. I need to stop simply READING your blog and start DOING IT! So Annie, thank you for the laugh and the hope. YOU ARE MY STRENGTH!

What else offers me STRENGTH? Just today, I have been blessed with:

-Talking to my Grandma on the phone and hearing her say how proud she is of me.

-Hearing the right song at just the right time; the song that has lyrics that completely hit home and say everything you are feeling.

-Getting a loving email from friends on the other side of the world.

We all have our weak moments. They come and go like an unwanted house guest. Sometimes they set up camp and linger for many days. Sometimes they just pop in to remind us they arent far away. But all we can do in those weak moments is lean on those people and things that offer us strength. It may be hard to find, but if you just stop looking so hard, it will usually show its face.

Finding the strength...

I am a month in to my training, and I am doing pretty well. I am not doing anything terribly intense yet, but I am doing things I couldn't do a month ago, and that means a lot to me. I am running about 3 miles now, and while that doesn't sound very far, for me, it is. Let me remind you: I did not run, at all, before I began this training. Nada. None. Zero. Never. I despised it, in fact. And now, I can comfortably run 3 miles (in the cold, along Memphis city streets) and finish without wanting to pass out or lay in bed for a week from being so sore. That alone is a huge accomplishment.

I want to throw out a disclaimer here... No, I am not training for speed. I keep getting folks telling me I need to do sprints and run fast fast fast FAST! And while I thank them from the bottom of my heart for their tips, I will file them away for another day. My challenge is to run a 1/2 marathon; not to place in the top 10, not to run a consistent 7 minute mile, not to pass others in a blur of spandex and fury. I just want to finish. Even if it takes me 3 hours. I am consistently running at about a 10 minute mile pace, and I am perfectly happy with that. If speed comes with the rest of my training, that is fantastic. But it is not a goal of mine. Slow and steady, thats my motto here!

I am starting to get more into strength training. I know it is an important element of this schedule and while I have done a good job turning a blind eye to it thus far, I need to dive in. I spent the past hour looking for some strength training for arms, legs, and abs on youtube. While I had a good laugh wading through all the crap that is out there, I found some good clips that I feel comfortable doing in my own home. I have a gym at my apt complex, but it has the bare minimum and it is pretty tiny. Therefore, I am hoping to gather some sequences I can do in my apartment since I have the space. I have two 5-lb weights, a resistance band, and a small pilates ball; I think this will be enough to get the job done. Again, disclaimer: I don't want to turn into some hardcore busted muscle machine. I just want to tone and build strength to help in my running.

So point of the story here: please, if you wish, share your favorite in-home exercise with me! I would love some more links/ videos/ series/ suggestions/ ideas to add to my slowly building gallery of strength exercises. So please, share!!!

Also, I want to give a shout to one of my favorite inspirations: Mama Wants Her Pre-Baby Body Back! Annie and Scott are friends of mine from Nashville that inspire me in every sense of the word. Recently, Annie has branched out from her daily comical family blog to begin this manageable and motivating blog about sneaking a workout into even the busiest day. She is a real person, with real hurdles, and realistic suggestions. So not only do I want to share her information with others, but I want to thank her for the inspiration and support!

We've come a long way, baby...

6 months in Memphis, and 4 months on my own... can you believe it? My oh my, how time flies. A friend of mine just shared a ton of pictures from the past 4 months with me, and I had a great time laughing out loud at them. We have had some amazing times and I am so glad to have had Val, Maureen, and Dani tight by my side through all of this.

Something that cant go unnoticed is my appearance...

THEN: September 2010...

...AND NOW: New Years Eve 2011

I realize how much I let my appearance go. That happens when you are in a relationship for so long- you begin to stop caring because you get comfortable. I was overweight, out of shape, and I just didn't care. Also, the problems on the inside can so easily be seen on the outside. I was so unhappy, so lost, and I had no sense of my own identity. I had let someone else take control of my life. Over the past 4 months, I have taken that control back and set out on a path of self-discovery. I have learned so much about myself and my life. It has been hard, but I wouldn't take a single second of the past 6 months back if I had to do it again. This has all happened for a reason, and fate has lead me down the road that was meant to be.

So, here's to ME. *cheers*

T-rex in downtown Memphis!

I slept all day yesterday, and all day last night. 19 hours total. I woke up this morning feeling MUCH better. Still cant breathe one bit, but at least I didn't have a 104 fever and pain all over my body! So after work, I laced up the sneakers, turned on the new Girl Talk album, and took to the streets. I am up to a distance now that is further than the river front bluff by my apartment, so I found a route through downtown that makes a perfect loop from my doorstep. I live about a mile from downtown, so my route brought me up Beale St, down Union Ave, and back home along the river. I was worried at first because I have never run in a city setting, but I loved it! And during the daylight hours, believe it or not, I feel surprisingly safe in downtown Memphis (luckily mom is not an avid reader of this blog- if she was, she may scream at me for doing this!) and I really enjoyed the scenery. So my awkward T-rex running/flailing/stumbling/whatever you want to call it made its first truly public appearance today. Whoo hoo!

Oh, and FYI... congestion + running in the cold = snot pouring down my face. So sexy. SOOOO sexy. OW OW!

*cough, sneeze, sniffle*

Yuck. I am still soooo sick- much worse than Sunday. I tried my best to suck it up and keep moving along with training, but I just couldn't do it. On Monday I hadn't even started jogging yet and I felt like I was going to fall over. So I just walked for 30 min. Yesterday, I got home from work, looked at my running clothes, and promptly curled up in bed and went to sleep. I still feel miserable today, and I am really hoping this passes soon. I don't like not being active and getting off schedule. I am taking really good care of myself and crossing my fingers that I will be back on track, at least able to jog, by tomorrow. Yuck.

some of dese mornin's

Led Zeppelin is one of my favorite bands of all time. No matter the mood, they have a tune for me. My latest obsession is "Your Time Is Gonna Come." Granted, it is from a male point of view, but you see the message here:

Lyin', cheatin', hurtin, that's all you seem to do
Messin' around, every guy in town
Puttin' me down for thinkin' of someone new
Always the same, playin' your game
Drive me insane, trouble's gonna come to you
One of these days, and it won't be long
You'll look for me, but, baby, I'll be gone

This is all I gotta say to ya,
Your time is gonna come, your time is gonna come

Made up my mind, break you this time
Won't be so kind, it's my turn to cry
Do what you want, I won't take the brunt
It's fadin' away, can't feel you anymore
Don't care what you say 'cause I'm goin' away to stay
Gonna make you pay for that great big hole in my heart
People talkin' all around
Watch out, woman, no longer is the joke gonna be on my heart

You been bad to me, but it's comin' back home to you
Your time is gonna come, your time is gonna come

So, the line in red is one that really sticks out to me. Over the past few days, it has been stuck in my head constantly. There are people and things in my life (or that are thankfully no longer a part of my life) that think they can just do as they please with my heart. Sorry to say- that isn't the case. Yes, I may be hurt. Yes, I may feel low. Yes, I may cry. But dammit, I am a strong woman, and I will pick up the pieces and move forward with my life. It may take a while, and I may stumble along the way, but it couldn't be more true: the day you realize how much you need me, it will be too late.

So, I posted that as my Facebook status yesterday. One of my best friends wrote me an email that really meant a lot to me in response to my post. Here is a snippet of that email:

first time i heard it was in the moby song. turns out that zura hurston referenced it in their eyes were watching god in the '30's. "some of dese mornin's and it won't be long, you gointuh wake up callin' and Ah'll be gone." apparently she was referring to a southern hymn called get away jordan. "you know one of these mornings it won't be long; wanna cross over to see my lord; you gonna look for me chil and i'll be gone." before that, it was a part freedom songs sung by slaves.

So not only did I get an amazing music history lesson, but I realized that music is such a universal timeless language that speaks through and to so many different people. I was really touched by this message. So many ways to say the same thing- and so many people feeling the way I feel. Thank you, friend, for reaching out to me!

Let's sing it one more time just to really get that point across....

One of these days, and it won't be long
You'll look for me, but, baby, I'll be gone

Yay =) Boo =(

Yay:

I GOT MY NEW RUNNING SHOES!

Boo:

I have a terrible cold! Sneezing, sore throat, aches, fever, congestion... bleeeeeh!

Many firsts, and the first of many...

Today's run brought many new things my way...

-My first major cramp. In my abdomen. Awful stitch. I am confident this is because I haven't had much water to drink over the past few days (cookies and hot chocolate are much yummier during the holidays...) and I was slightly dehydrated. Wow, it was awful. Lesson learned- drink drink drink.

-My first music-free run. My iPod died after about 3 minutes. Silence. Nothing but me and my thoughts. At first I was terrified- worried that it would mess up my pace and I would lose the fun motivation of my favorite songs. Surprisingly, I enjoyed it. I am timid to let myself get lost with my thoughts (denial is a wonderful thing) but perhaps I am looking at it the wrong way. Maybe the silence and personal therapy session is just what I need.

-My first experience with rubbing. I don't care if it is TMI- but man alive, my underwear were NOT having it today. Rub rub itch rub OUCH. Hello. Not fun. Enough said.

-My first experience with hills. I knew I couldn't (and shouldn't) avoid them any longer, and doing so would only hurt me in the long run. I am still at my parents' house, so I ran around their neighborhood. No major hills, but more than the amazingly flat Memphis riverfront has to offer. Ok, hills, you win. I will get to be better friends with you eventually.

-My first feelings of doubt and fear. Lets actually turn this around with a positive spin for a moment and start out by saying...

...I REGISTERED FOR THE RACE!

...now back to the fear. So many things. The logistics of it, getting there, the insanity at the beginning of the race, will anyone be there with me, will I be alone, so nervous, so excited, what if I get hurt, what if I cant do it, it is so far, how long will it take me, freaking out, what if nobody is there to congratulate me, what if I fall, what if I give up, 13.1 miles, 13.1 miles, 13.1 miles, so nervous. CHILL OUT, AMY! YOU CAN DO THIS! Positive self talk overload is necessary right now! It will be fine. Yes, I will be nervous. Yes, this is going to be scary and a challenge. BUT THAT'S WHY I AM DOING IT! I am the only one that can stop myself from doing this, and I am the only one that can make myself do this. It is all up to me. Yikes.