Feelin' Groovy

I just ran my first 4-miler, and let me tell you- I feel AMAZING.

My iPod is officially dead (well, dead in the sense that it needs to be plugged in to play- the battery is shot) so I had a full 45 minutes of silence. I was running on Mud Island (a beautiful area of Memphis- a 3 mile island in the Mississippi) and I really enjoyed the scenery and the serenity of my run. The best part: when I finished, I didn't feel miserable. Granted, I know I should be giving 110% and leaving everything I have out on those roads. But I really enjoyed getting to the end and feeling good- like I could run more. Yes, yes, I know, spare your lecture of "C'mon, Amy! Push it! Push yourself!" Today, I enjoyed crossing my imaginary finish-line NOT feeling like the end of my life was about to hit. I loved that feeling.

My knees are hurting a bit, but only while I run. Once I stop, they feel fine. And it isn't until about mile 2.5 that they begin aching. Not a sharp pain, just a slight ache.

It was a really beautiful weekend here in Memphis. Friday night, I went out with a co-worker to the Memphis Song Writers Association CD release party. Yesterday it was 60 degrees and not a cloud in the sky. I enjoyed a gorgeous run, a trip to the farm stand, sitting in the park talking on the phone, and had a few drinks with a friend down in Cooper Young on the patio of a great restaurant. Today, I roasted all of the amazing veggies I bought yesterday, had this awesome run, and now plan to go do some school work for a bit. All in all, I'd say it was an A+ weekend.

I hope yours was just as beautiful!

Step it up

So this week started my 1/2M training. Previously, I was following a 5k training schedule. It was challenging, but not too intense. The new 1/2M schedule is a bit more intense. Rather than running 3 days a week, I will be running 5. Also, the mileage ramps up a lot quicker. Previously, I would increase about .5 miles a week. Now, I increase 1 mile a week. Finally, it places a much greater focus on cross-training and strength training. Needless to say, it is time to STEP IT UP.

I am very proud of how well my runs have been going. More often than not, I keep a 10 minute pace and I feel good at the end of my mileage. Once in a blue moon I will get an abdominal cramp, and I really don't know why. I am very well hydrated... maybe it has to do with my breathing? I don't think so- I feel like my breathing is fine. I'm perplexed. Suggestions?

Maureen and I set up a running date. Every Tuesday after work, we go to Rhodes and run on the track together. I am really looking forward to this routine- not just because it is a good change of scenery and feeling of camaraderie, but because I really enjoy spending time with my friend!

Oh, on a fun note: I tried on a pair of work pants that I haven't worn in about 2 months this morning (they were hidden behind a less likable pair!)... HELLO BAGGY! They looked comical they were so big. I jumped and squealed with joy, and did a little dance around my bedroom (which is not a common occurrence at 6:20 am). It just goes to show that while you may not see the little daily or even weekly changes, change DOES show! So, favorite dark brown work pants, you will now be moved to the back of the closet. Enjoy your rest.

Thank you, Universe.

THE UNIVERSE PROVIDES.

I say this over and over on a daily basis, and today it couldn't be more true.

So last night's post was driven by such a tremendous, out-of-the-blue wave of home-sickness (is that a phrase?) and nostalgia. I go through lots of ups and downs when it comes to being 9 hours away from my family (13 from my grandparents), and sometimes the downs just get the best of me. They dont last long, but they are vicious and break my heart to pieces.

Well, I had to call Ellie today to ask her a question. I was just leaving class and was in the middle of campus. She answered and said "It's Amy! Nora said it!" I was confused and didn't really understand what she meant. "Nora just said 'Amy!' She said your name! The phone rang, and I said 'It's Amy' and then she said your name!" I. Started. Sobbing. Right there, middle of campus, middle of the afternoon, people everywhere. Ellie turned the phone to Nora and said "It's Amy!" Then I heard it- Nora says, in her adorable little voice- "Ay-meee!" I couldn't believe it. Tears were just pouring down my face. She kept saying it over and over and over, and I couldn't get enough of it. I was just beside myself.

So, just when you are feeling lower than low, sadder than sad, and more lost than ever- the universe provides.

Proud Auntie...

OK I need to take a quick break from talking about MY life to talk about a life that is so precious to me: Nora.

I have never felt such tremendous love for someone. She means the world to me. It breaks my heart that I am so far away from her and only see her every few months. I want so badly to be a big part of her life, but I also need to go where my path takes me. But it hurts how much I miss her...

Mom and Dad go visit Ellie, Bruce, and Nora every now and then since they are much closer. Mom sent me a batch of pictures from this past weekend that just melt my heart. I love seeing pictures of them with her because I know how much my grandparents meant to me as a child; I cherish the memories I have with them and love them so incredibly much. I love looking back on pictures of my grandparents and I and feeling the love we shared. I couldnt help but share a few...

I miss you guys so much!!!!!

Ready for a LAUGH?!

You know that I have grown in my confidence and self-esteem when I share what I am about to share.... pictures taken at the race...

Picture 1 (note the t-rex hand and fingers)

Picture 2 (And yes, your guess is correct, that IS a snotty tissue in my hand. Hey, I wasnt going to let this persistent cold keep me from the race!)

Yes, please laugh. Because I can't stop. Wow. Seriously. Amazing. Sexy lady!

Wow, whew, ok, that's a riot. Good laugh. GOOD laugh. And I wonder why I am single... =)

Do da stanky legg...

First 5k... COMPLETE!

It was definitely a comical first experience. There were about, oh, maybe 100 people or so (I am really bad at estimating crowds), which normally wouldnt be many at all. But we were running through these teeny tiny narrow trails through the woods which made it very difficult. There were many points where groups would bottle-neck and you would be slowed to a walk. There were HUGE mud pits (glad I wore my old running shoes and not the new Brooks!) that people were sliding through, slipping in, falling down in, and just causing a lot of frustration. There was no room to pass or be passed without being slightly rude and cutting people off. At first, I was getting very antsy and bijiggity because I couldnt pass people as I wanted, and I felt it was really messing with my pace. After about 10 minutes of feeling anxious and pouring pressure on myself, I realized I needed to just chill out and enjoy the run. I still pushed myself, but I really tried to just go with the flow.

Despite all of the hurdles along the way, I finished in 32:13 (unofficial), which is only 2 minutes longer than what I was hoping for. Considering the environment, I am beyond proud of myself.

And yes, I did the dance...

Oh, and a HUGE thank you to Maureen and Kate. They calmed my pre-race jitters (which were out of control) and I was so happy to share this experience with them! Thank you so much!

Next challenge: 10k on Feb 26th! Bring it...

UPDATE:

I checked the results....

-415 people total ran the race (yes, I was WAY off)

-Overall, I placed 239th

-In my age bracket (25-29) I placed 8th (out of 24)

-10:38 pace

-Net time: 33:01

Stanky Legg 5k

So when I was first researching local races, I ran across the Memphis Runners Track Club website. They have a race series throughout the winter that has races of ranging difficulty at sites all around Memphis. I noticed they had a 5k for the exact weekend my training schedule had me due for this race, so I immediately signed up, as did my friend Maureen.

I didnt really look at the name of it, but I knew it was something random and ridiculous. Now, as my knowledge of terrible rap music has expanded during my time in Memphis, I was exposed to the amazing dance called the Stanky Legg. So, when someone asked me what the name of the 5k is that I will be running, I unconsciously responded "Ummm, The Stanky Legg!"

No, Amy. It is not the Stanky Legg. It is the Stanky Creek- a park in a suburb of Memphis that is known for its awful smell, and the course is through the woods on a trail. Wow. So now not only will we be running in smelly conditions, but it is a trail run! Way to research that one before signing up, huh? Despite all this, I am beyond excited and I cant get the Stanky Legg dance out of my mind. I have continued to call it the Stanky Legg 5k to anyone that asks.

In honor of my own silliness, I WILL do this dance at the finish line....

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step...

I first heard that quote in high school. It was on a little notebook I bought to give to a friend, but ended up keeping (ha). I have thought of it every now and then in my life when I am feeling like a goal is too large to conquer. I was reminded of it again yesterday at a suicide/crisis prevention training session at work. I realized how much it applies to my life right now, both literally and figuratively.

Some days I wake up and I am paralyzed with how hurt I am from my past relationship. Other days, I am on my knees I am so thankful for removing myself from such a toxic situation and opening myself to this new, beautiful world without him. My path to recovery is traumatic and testing, but I must keep taking small steps. I have a long way to go, but each step, either backwards or forwards, is keeping me in motion and will ultimately get me to where I need to be.

Running has been a challenge. You may laugh because I am only running 3 miles, but I struggle every single day to push myself. One step after the next, one foot in front of the other, it all begins with that first step. Just making the first step is enough to push me to continue. I am scared, but I will do this. I know I can, and I will.

I doubt myself a lot. I have a hard time breaking large challenges down into manageable tasks. Everything from losing weight to eventually getting into a PhD program- I get so overwhelmed by the ultimate goal that I often loose sight of how far I have already come.

So weight... I re-joined Weight Watchers the day after everything happened in September. I needed some form of control in my life that was so greatly out of my control. Over the past 4 months, I have only lost 10 lbs. I say "only" because my goal is to lose a total of 23. Now, while I initially get very discouraged to only see slight drops in my weight each week, I have to see the smaller goals here. Not only am I NOT gaining (and boy oh boy, am I an emotional eater), but I see a transformation in my body. While I may not be shedding lbs left and right, my clothes fit looser and I look better- fat turns to muscle, and I am much more toned and healthy. I must remember to praise myself for these small steps and these small goals along the way to my ultimate destination.

I have rambled a lot here... sorry for that. Just kinda getting some thoughts out and seeing where they go. It is true, the cliche: you are your own worst critic. While I realize that a reasonable amount of anxiety, pressure, and determination is necessary to keep me moving, I need to be less critical of myself. I am taking the first steps, I am putting one foot in front of the other, and while I may be moving at a snails pace, at least I AM MOVING...

Not again...

I woke up this morning feeling just plain awful. Sore throat, fever, and achy. NOT AGAIN! I don't understand! I take such good care of myself! Ugh, I really don't need to be sick... AGAIN... fingers crossed... =(

T-minus 6 days...

My first 5k is this coming Sunday, the 23rd. I am nervous, but in a good way. Maureen and Kate will be doing it with me, so it should actually be really fun. This past month has flown by!

Go figure, I get my first lesson on aches and pains with only 1 week until my first race. My hamstrings are KILLING me. Now, if you have been an avid reader, you know that during my 6o day Bikram challenge, I had endless issues with my hamstrings being tight. So really, I am not surprised they are giving me trouble. It could be due to 1 of 3 possible things... 1) I really pushed myself on my Saturday run, and I may just be sore from that. 2) I did some extra lunges last week and I may have pushed it too far or done something incorrect. 3) I had a pretty crazy weekend, and perhaps all of the insanity in a new pair of heels didn't do much good for my legs. Whatever the case may be, I am in pain and I dont like it. I am stretching and rubbing, but they still hurt. Fingers crossed I can deal with this before Sunday...

A blast from the past

Remember when AOL Instant Messenger was THE BIG THING? It seems like facebook, text messages, and fancy touch-screen phones have taken over. Well, "back in my day" we used good old AIM. I still get people saying, "Wow, you type so fast!" My response: All thanks to AIM!

Anyway, I logged on to AIM this morning randomly. I have NO idea why. (Ok that's a lie. It's because all of the friends that crashed at my house last night after a ridiculously fun night out are still asleep and I, the perpetual early riser, am bored.) So I checked my profile- yea, remember those?!- and I loved what I had written in there:

you've got to chase a dream, one that's all your own...

*scotland 04*

I LOVERMONT

CLEMSON TIGERS

BWC 03-04

WCU 08

...and now i live in nashville, tn.

So just love, make mistakes, and have wonderful times, but never second guess who you are, where you have been, and most importantly, where it is you are going.

[S&TC]

be young, be foolish, be happy

I had obviously just moved to Nashville when I last updated that. I look at how much my life has changed since then, and it blows my mind. I was so ambitious. I had so many goals in life, and I was determined to achieve them. I was on my way to the top.

Unfortunately, I chose a relationship over those goals. I let another person steal that ambition from me. I even had my graduate school mentor recently tell me that I had so much potential and I "woulda gone far," but I chose love instead. It really upset me to hear that, and it upsets me now as I look back on the person I once was. Nonetheless, I must remind myself every minute of every day that I am here for a reason. Life has lead me down this road on purpose. I have no idea why, and it really bothers me to say "everything happens for a reason," but that's all I have to lean on right now.

I knew where I was going. I had a dream. And I lost it. I think I need to find that dream once again. MY dream. I am sure I still have it tucked away inside me.... somewhere...

Just a quick FYI:

i. suck. at. push. ups.

seriously. wow.

and yes, i AM doing push-ups and working out at 8pm on a friday night... what of it?!

Strength: FOUND!

I had a bad day today. I woke up feeling very sad and very lonely. I bumbled through the day on the verge of tears. Go figure that when I am feeling low, my friends come through shining...

I got a present today from my friend Maureen. Totally out of the blue, totally unexpected, and totally not necessary. But, nonetheless, she spoiled me! An awesome Nike headband to keep my giant ears warm, the coolest running glove/mittens that even have a spot on the thumb so you can still work your iPod, anti-chafe balm (hahaha), and a card that brought tears to my eyes! I am so thankful for such a wonderful friend. She is a huge inspiration to me also. I knew she was into running, but I had no idea to what extent. The day after I decided to embark on this challenge, I told her and she was so excited for me! Turns out she did the exact same thing last year! At that time, I was still thinking of taking my training super slow and hoping to complete the St Jude 1/2 in December 2011, but after talking with her for a while, she encouraged me to go for the Music City 1/2 instead. Maureen is such a wonderful friend and I have turned to her so many times for advice- not just about running, but about life. I adore her so much, and I thank her for being a solid oak tree in the hurricane of my life in Memphis. So thank you, Maureen! YOU ARE MY STRENGTH!

Then, I log on here to see that Annie has dedicated an entire post to little old ME! Her tips were just what I needed, and I am so thankful for her advice. I have done strength training before, but never with any real goal in mind. (OK fine, I admit it- I mostly did it just to "stay fit," whatever that means to a college girl that mostly goes to Gold's to look at cute boys.) Some of the schedules and series I have seen are extremely intimidating and I am scared to even try. I was glad to read something simple and easy, broken down to a level that even someone like me can understand, yet didn't make me feel like a complete idiot. I need to stop simply READING your blog and start DOING IT! So Annie, thank you for the laugh and the hope. YOU ARE MY STRENGTH!

What else offers me STRENGTH? Just today, I have been blessed with:

-Talking to my Grandma on the phone and hearing her say how proud she is of me.

-Hearing the right song at just the right time; the song that has lyrics that completely hit home and say everything you are feeling.

-Getting a loving email from friends on the other side of the world.

We all have our weak moments. They come and go like an unwanted house guest. Sometimes they set up camp and linger for many days. Sometimes they just pop in to remind us they arent far away. But all we can do in those weak moments is lean on those people and things that offer us strength. It may be hard to find, but if you just stop looking so hard, it will usually show its face.

Finding the strength...

I am a month in to my training, and I am doing pretty well. I am not doing anything terribly intense yet, but I am doing things I couldn't do a month ago, and that means a lot to me. I am running about 3 miles now, and while that doesn't sound very far, for me, it is. Let me remind you: I did not run, at all, before I began this training. Nada. None. Zero. Never. I despised it, in fact. And now, I can comfortably run 3 miles (in the cold, along Memphis city streets) and finish without wanting to pass out or lay in bed for a week from being so sore. That alone is a huge accomplishment.

I want to throw out a disclaimer here... No, I am not training for speed. I keep getting folks telling me I need to do sprints and run fast fast fast FAST! And while I thank them from the bottom of my heart for their tips, I will file them away for another day. My challenge is to run a 1/2 marathon; not to place in the top 10, not to run a consistent 7 minute mile, not to pass others in a blur of spandex and fury. I just want to finish. Even if it takes me 3 hours. I am consistently running at about a 10 minute mile pace, and I am perfectly happy with that. If speed comes with the rest of my training, that is fantastic. But it is not a goal of mine. Slow and steady, thats my motto here!

I am starting to get more into strength training. I know it is an important element of this schedule and while I have done a good job turning a blind eye to it thus far, I need to dive in. I spent the past hour looking for some strength training for arms, legs, and abs on youtube. While I had a good laugh wading through all the crap that is out there, I found some good clips that I feel comfortable doing in my own home. I have a gym at my apt complex, but it has the bare minimum and it is pretty tiny. Therefore, I am hoping to gather some sequences I can do in my apartment since I have the space. I have two 5-lb weights, a resistance band, and a small pilates ball; I think this will be enough to get the job done. Again, disclaimer: I don't want to turn into some hardcore busted muscle machine. I just want to tone and build strength to help in my running.

So point of the story here: please, if you wish, share your favorite in-home exercise with me! I would love some more links/ videos/ series/ suggestions/ ideas to add to my slowly building gallery of strength exercises. So please, share!!!

Also, I want to give a shout to one of my favorite inspirations: Mama Wants Her Pre-Baby Body Back! Annie and Scott are friends of mine from Nashville that inspire me in every sense of the word. Recently, Annie has branched out from her daily comical family blog to begin this manageable and motivating blog about sneaking a workout into even the busiest day. She is a real person, with real hurdles, and realistic suggestions. So not only do I want to share her information with others, but I want to thank her for the inspiration and support!

We've come a long way, baby...

6 months in Memphis, and 4 months on my own... can you believe it? My oh my, how time flies. A friend of mine just shared a ton of pictures from the past 4 months with me, and I had a great time laughing out loud at them. We have had some amazing times and I am so glad to have had Val, Maureen, and Dani tight by my side through all of this.

Something that cant go unnoticed is my appearance...

THEN: September 2010...

...AND NOW: New Years Eve 2011

I realize how much I let my appearance go. That happens when you are in a relationship for so long- you begin to stop caring because you get comfortable. I was overweight, out of shape, and I just didn't care. Also, the problems on the inside can so easily be seen on the outside. I was so unhappy, so lost, and I had no sense of my own identity. I had let someone else take control of my life. Over the past 4 months, I have taken that control back and set out on a path of self-discovery. I have learned so much about myself and my life. It has been hard, but I wouldn't take a single second of the past 6 months back if I had to do it again. This has all happened for a reason, and fate has lead me down the road that was meant to be.

So, here's to ME. *cheers*

T-rex in downtown Memphis!

I slept all day yesterday, and all day last night. 19 hours total. I woke up this morning feeling MUCH better. Still cant breathe one bit, but at least I didn't have a 104 fever and pain all over my body! So after work, I laced up the sneakers, turned on the new Girl Talk album, and took to the streets. I am up to a distance now that is further than the river front bluff by my apartment, so I found a route through downtown that makes a perfect loop from my doorstep. I live about a mile from downtown, so my route brought me up Beale St, down Union Ave, and back home along the river. I was worried at first because I have never run in a city setting, but I loved it! And during the daylight hours, believe it or not, I feel surprisingly safe in downtown Memphis (luckily mom is not an avid reader of this blog- if she was, she may scream at me for doing this!) and I really enjoyed the scenery. So my awkward T-rex running/flailing/stumbling/whatever you want to call it made its first truly public appearance today. Whoo hoo!

Oh, and FYI... congestion + running in the cold = snot pouring down my face. So sexy. SOOOO sexy. OW OW!

*cough, sneeze, sniffle*

Yuck. I am still soooo sick- much worse than Sunday. I tried my best to suck it up and keep moving along with training, but I just couldn't do it. On Monday I hadn't even started jogging yet and I felt like I was going to fall over. So I just walked for 30 min. Yesterday, I got home from work, looked at my running clothes, and promptly curled up in bed and went to sleep. I still feel miserable today, and I am really hoping this passes soon. I don't like not being active and getting off schedule. I am taking really good care of myself and crossing my fingers that I will be back on track, at least able to jog, by tomorrow. Yuck.

some of dese mornin's

Led Zeppelin is one of my favorite bands of all time. No matter the mood, they have a tune for me. My latest obsession is "Your Time Is Gonna Come." Granted, it is from a male point of view, but you see the message here:

Lyin', cheatin', hurtin, that's all you seem to do
Messin' around, every guy in town
Puttin' me down for thinkin' of someone new
Always the same, playin' your game
Drive me insane, trouble's gonna come to you
One of these days, and it won't be long
You'll look for me, but, baby, I'll be gone

This is all I gotta say to ya,
Your time is gonna come, your time is gonna come

Made up my mind, break you this time
Won't be so kind, it's my turn to cry
Do what you want, I won't take the brunt
It's fadin' away, can't feel you anymore
Don't care what you say 'cause I'm goin' away to stay
Gonna make you pay for that great big hole in my heart
People talkin' all around
Watch out, woman, no longer is the joke gonna be on my heart

You been bad to me, but it's comin' back home to you
Your time is gonna come, your time is gonna come

So, the line in red is one that really sticks out to me. Over the past few days, it has been stuck in my head constantly. There are people and things in my life (or that are thankfully no longer a part of my life) that think they can just do as they please with my heart. Sorry to say- that isn't the case. Yes, I may be hurt. Yes, I may feel low. Yes, I may cry. But dammit, I am a strong woman, and I will pick up the pieces and move forward with my life. It may take a while, and I may stumble along the way, but it couldn't be more true: the day you realize how much you need me, it will be too late.

So, I posted that as my Facebook status yesterday. One of my best friends wrote me an email that really meant a lot to me in response to my post. Here is a snippet of that email:

first time i heard it was in the moby song. turns out that zura hurston referenced it in their eyes were watching god in the '30's. "some of dese mornin's and it won't be long, you gointuh wake up callin' and Ah'll be gone." apparently she was referring to a southern hymn called get away jordan. "you know one of these mornings it won't be long; wanna cross over to see my lord; you gonna look for me chil and i'll be gone." before that, it was a part freedom songs sung by slaves.

So not only did I get an amazing music history lesson, but I realized that music is such a universal timeless language that speaks through and to so many different people. I was really touched by this message. So many ways to say the same thing- and so many people feeling the way I feel. Thank you, friend, for reaching out to me!

Let's sing it one more time just to really get that point across....

One of these days, and it won't be long
You'll look for me, but, baby, I'll be gone

Yay =) Boo =(

Yay:

I GOT MY NEW RUNNING SHOES!

Boo:

I have a terrible cold! Sneezing, sore throat, aches, fever, congestion... bleeeeeh!